


started as a dictatorship now we're here

by kuryuri



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Rated T for language, also me: hey lets make a chat fic wont that be fun, author also doesnt know basic html. author is suffering. send help, but ritsu and yuuta came in?? wild, chat fic, its really just a bunch of nonsense, lmfao this whole thing is really just nichijou but enstars edition, me: not funny with 0 knowledge of pop culture, mentions of yuuta's big fat crush on shinobu, originally i did mean for it to be only unit leaders + anzu, theyre all ooc pls forgive //sweats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-16 16:04:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13057389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuryuri/pseuds/kuryuri
Summary: hinaslut: do u rly think u got the room to comment when naruto still dont kno youre into himmeowth: this is not the time to criticisemylove life lay tf off bit c hjessie: tbh im proud of mika chin but also Very Disappointed that he's this thick in the headjames: to be fair naru wasnt really clear with the messageIzumi: the banner deadass said """i like you a lot""" what goddamn galaxy of dumbassery is this fucking kid from___in which anzu makes a terrible, terrible decision to make her life a little easier





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ancient enstars fandom proverb: "if u want something u gotta do it urself"  
> so here it be, the chatfic ive been craving
> 
> (made the formatting edits ive neglected for the past Many Months lololol)

_Anzu added Shu, Nazuna, Hokuto, Eichi, Natsume, Rei, Hinata, Chiaki, Leo, Madara, Keito to Unit Leaders !!!_

**Madara:** owo whats this??? fellow unit leaders???????

 **Nazuna:** whomstve the fuck thought of this

 **Hinata:** oh wow uh can i add yuuta or tetora or something everyone here is Aged and i am but a poor first year

 **Leo:** MAMAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **Madara:** LEO SAAAAAAAAN

 **Leo:** MAMA DO IT WITH ME

 **Leo:** U

 **Madara:** C

 **Leo:** H

 **Madara:** U

 **Keito:** Could you not do this now we're in the middle of class

 **Leo:** U

 **Leo:** NO KEITO U ASSWIPE U BROKE OUR UCHUU

 **Keito:** Fuc

 **Leo:** ???

 **Madara:** HAH

 **Leo:** thats all he says in response???? fucking weak smh i was expecting 2 paragraphs at least

 **Madara:** HE CHOKED @ ASSWIPE AND AKIOMI SAN TOOK HIS PHONE

 **Leo:** its what he desrves the prude

 **Nazuna:** no he doesn't !!!! leo chin pls apologise to him later okay !!!

 **Leo:** uuuuuuuugh okay mom

 **Madara:** i thought i was your mom? (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ

 **Leo:** nono ure mama but nazu's my mom

 **Nazuna:** i'd prefer nii-chan but i'll take what i can get from you leo chin

_Leo changed Madara to Mama_

_Leo changed Nazuna to Team Mom_

**Leo:** glad u agree mom !!!

 **Eichi:** It was a brilliant moment I'll admit

 **Eichi:** I've never seen Keito's face that purple before

 **Eichi:** But any more of this and Sensei's head might actually pop, you know?

 **Leo:** ugh its the snek

 **Eichi:** Hello to you too, you little alien

 **Leo:** also wym sensei's face always looks like hes holding in a shit

 **Mama:** lmao keito's phone vibrated off sensei's table and onto the floor and its still vibrating bc of yall

 **Mama:** HE DROPPED IT INTO THE TRASH

 **Leo:** brilliant

 **Team Mom:** savage

 **Anzu:** wow can he do that to me too

 **Hinata:** same

 **Anzu:** anyway i _do_ have a point in making this group so shhhhh while i type

 **Eichi:** Why would you choose to make this chat during the second years' break though

 **Eichi:** Us third years' still have class

 **Anzu:** hi what the fuck did i say

 **Eichi:** My fingers are no longer moving

 **Anzu:** thats what i thought :)

 **Anzu:** anyway as much as i love running around looking for yall it gets old

 **Anzu:** so this gc's gonna be for me to update you guys on anything

 **Anzu:** pls get along

 **Anzu:** also uh @hinata i guess you could add whoever?? whatever makes you more comfortable :)

 **Eichi:** The difference in emotion between two of the same emoji is staggering

 **Anzu:** :)

_Hinata added Yuuta to Unit Leaders !!!!_

**Yuuta:** why

 **Hinata:** cant i have my younger brother be in the same gc as me o(TヘTo)

 **Hinata:** nii chan is lonely !!!!

 **Yuuta:** that sounds suspicious as hell and you know it

 **Hinata:** o(TヘTo)

 **Yuuta:** (￢_￢;)

 **Hinata:** (ಥ﹏ಥ)

 **Yuuta:** (⇀‸↼‶)

 **Hinata:** ｡･ﾟﾟ*( >д<)*ﾟﾟ･｡

 **Yuuta:** (눈_눈)

_Hinata has left the chat_

**Yuuta:** FUCKER I KNEW IT

 **Yuuta:** HE FUCKGIN BLOCKED ME I CANT ADD HIM BACK

 **Yuuta:** he actually got tetora to pass a message i cnat fucking believe that ass pimple

_Yuuta sent an image_

**Yuuta:** ""anything just hmu !! ☆"" its your fuckgin job u dick fungus

 **Team Mom:** i love siblings

 **Team Mom:** love maybe having some one day

 **Yuuta:** the only people who want siblings are the people who dont have any

 **Anzu:** can confirm

 **Leo:** excusem e i love my si ster very much luka tan is the cutest thing ever???? how dare

 **Mama:** tbh youre like. approaching anime siscon level its a lot of love

 **Mama:** without the incest of course

 **Team Mom:** leo chin only you and kuro chin have the ""loves sister"" skill even though there are other idols with sisters

 **Leo:** !!! rly !!!!!!!!! 

 **Team Mom:** yeah i just found out like an hour ago too lmao you guys give a 5% increase for dance

 **Yuuta:**...?????

 **Rei:** Never mind that, little one

 **Rei:** I, as well, dearly love my brother, Ritsu

 **Yuuta:** sorry cant relate

 **Yuuta:** speaking of

 **Yuuta:** help me add him back pls im gonna kick his skinny ass

_Rei added Ritsu to Unit Leaders !!!!_

**Yuuta:** ah, another suffering sibling hello

 **Yuuta:** also i meant hinata not him

 **Rei:** Ritsu, lovely brother, I missed you!

 **Ritsu:** anija you useless being you woke me up

 **Leo:** wow even i cant do that

 **Anzu:** same

 **Ritsu:** its instinctive i wake up bc im so annoyed @ him i cant sleep

 **Ritsu:** i dont even open my eyes i just know hes nearby/bothering me

 **Rei:** Yes, yes, that's good, not sleeping means you can come meet me! Onii chan misses you very much  <3

 **Ritsu:** i dont want to see you eugh

 **Ritsu:** look what you fucking did

 **Ritsu:** im too annoyed to nap now

 **Rei: :** (((

 **Anzu:** tbh that reminds me please come back to class lunch is going to end soon

 **Ritsu:** mmmmmmmmmmmmngmngmgnmgnmngghhhhhhh

 **Ritsu:** no

 **Anzu:** ill stop mao from coming to get you

 **Ritsu:** you wouldnt

 **Anzu:** watch me

_Anzu sent a photo_

**Ritsu:** anzu u hoe i wanted to do that to him

_Ritsu changed Anzu to Hoezu_

**Hoezu:** how creative

 **Ritsu:** its my favourite idea

 **Hoezu:** how did you get that idea

 **Ritsu:** i just try to think creatively

_Hoezu changed Ritsu to yellow guy_

**yellow guy:** excuse m e if im anyone id be the red guy and you know it

 **Hoezu:** thats debatable but fine

_Hoezu changed yellow guy to red guy_

**red guy:** marvelous

 **Yuuta:** im so confused

 **Hoezu:** youre not thinking creatively

 **red guy:** [its this work of art](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9C_HReR_McQ)

 **Hoezu:** _RITSU NO DONT TAINT THE PURE CHILD_

 **Team Mom:** um

 **Team Mom:** anzu is that... your tie in the photo??

 **Team Mom:** how is it long enough to tie mao to a chair???

 **Hoezu:** oh uh its really long actually its useful for all sorts of things

 **Hoezu:** kuro senpai helped me make it

 **red guy:** let the poor boy go

 **Team Mom:** youve tied people up before????????

 **Hoezu:** _@red guy_ he said and i quote "" tell him he can see me like this anytime if he promises to come to class consistently""

 **red guy:** brb [me](https://thumb9.shutterstock.com/display_pic_with_logo/172762/163456406/stock-photo-running-young-boy-isolated-on-white-background-163456406.jpg)

 **Hoezu:** also nazunii its not me tying people up adonis borrows it sometimes to catch koga

 **Hoezu:** its also p useful if my hair tie breaks

 **Hoezu:** or if subaru's leash for daiikichi snaps again

 **Hoezu:** or if i need to smack anyone into submission

 **Leo:** im weirdly turned on but im also terrified for my life

 **Yuuta:** teach me your ways sensei i need it

 **Hoezu:** sorry not taking any more disciples

 **Team Mom:** you actually do have disciples????????

 **Mama:** tbh im not surprised

 **Leo:** omg anzu are you secretly an s &m dominatrix

 **Hoezu:** i dont think they take disciples exactly and regretfully no im not

 **Hoezu:** its just shinobu lmao he proclaims hes my disciple but i have no idea what hes learning from me

 **Hoezu:** he gets upset if i say i dont have any disciples though and im weak for his pathetic face

 **Yuuta:** same

 **Yuuta:** i mean uh

 **Leo:** when your gay moves faster than your brain

 **Hoezu:** its okay yuuta honey we know

 **Yuuta:** whAt

 **Yuuta:** how

 **Yuuta:** why

 **Hoezu:** since like, the crash course event

 **Hoezu:** when he wore your unit outfit on stage your face was

 **Hoezu:** really really red

 **Leo:** u wouldnt stop looking @ his ass lmaooooo

 **Rei:** How nice, young love

 **Rei:** Would you like some advice in wooing Shinobu-kun, Yuuta?

 **Yuuta:** nO ITS FINE

 **Natsume:** aw how Cute

 **Natsume:** the small one is in Love

 **Natsume:** i agree with rei nii San

 **Natsume:** would you like a love Potion? or would a charm be Better?

 **Natsume:** i can put a spell on him to fall in love with You

 **Yuuta:** ooooohmygoshshdhs really it sfine

 **Yuuta:** can we

 **Yuuta:** not

 **Yuuta:** discuss this any more im gonna die

 **Hoezu:** i could tie him up for u

 **Yuuta:** sENPAI NO

 **Yuuta:** asjhdkahskjdhas

 **Yuuta:** FUCK

 **Yuuta:** shinobus texting me why is he texthng me whhat the hecK

_Yuuta sent an image_

**red guy:** awww he thinks youre sick

 **Team Mom:** awww how sweet hes worried for you !!!!!

 **Leo:** awww

 **Rei:** Awww

 **Mama:** awww

 **Natsume:** Awww

 **Hoezu:** awww

 **Eichi:** Awww

 **Team Mom:** my heart feels so uwu

 **Yuuta:** i fully blame all of you for my red face

 **Yuuta:** evil evil senpai how dare you tease your only first year

 **Hoezu:** we got him to text you tho thats a good thing

 **Yuuta:** NO ITS NOT

 **Yuuta:** I DONTT KNOW HOW TO REPLY

 **Yuuta:** im having a stroke

 **Team Mom:** yuuta darling before you actually do get a stroke i think you should put down your phone and pay attention in class

 **Yuuta:** hhhhh okay fine

 **Yuuta:** pls forget all of this

 **Yuuta:** All of it

 **Eichi:** Oh my, it's a capital letter

 **Leo:** he serious

 **Natsume:** dont Worry, we wont bring it up Again

 **Hoezu:** probably

 **Yuuta:** its gonna come back to bite me in the ass one day

 **Leo:** probably


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i may have made hokke a bit too aggressive

**Chiaki:** GREETINGS FELLOW STUDENTS

 **Keito:** Oh dear lord

 **Chiaki:** IT IS I WITH THE BURNING HEART, RYUUSEI RED, MORISAWA CHIAKI ☆

 **Keito:** We all know who you are why do you do this very time

 **Chiaki:** FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT ☆

 **Chiaki:** ALSO I SEE THAT YOU'VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH SENGOKU, YUUTA !!

 **Keito:** I'm muting this goodbye

 **Chiaki:** AS HIS FATHER FIGURE I FULLY APPROVE OF YOU AND WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK IN CAPTURING HIS HEART

 **Hoezu:** youre his father figure???

 **Chiaki:** NO BUT I LIKE TO THINK SO

 **Chiaki:** I AM A FATHER PROUD OF ALL MY CHILDREN

 **Yuuta:** thanks for the approval not-actual-dad but please dont bring it up again

 **Yuuta:** also why the caps pls chill

 **Chiaki:** ITS BEEN LIKE THIS FOR A WHILE!! I HAVENT FOUND A WAY TO CHANGE IT BACK

_Natsume changed Chiaki to not an actual dad_

**not an actual dad:** I QUITE LIKE IT THOUGH IVE BEEN TOLD IT REFLECTS MY PERSONALITY

 **not an actual dad:** OH I LIKE THIS NEW USERNAME THANK YOU

 **Natsume:** no Problem

 **Natsume:** why dont you show it off to kanata nii San?

 **Yuuta:** slick

 **Natsume:** you know It

 **not an actual dad:** THAT IS A BRILLIANT IDEA

_not an actual dad added Kanata to Unit Leaders !!!!_

**not an actual dad:** LOOK KANATA ITS MY NEW USERNAME ☆

 **Natsume:** hi kanata nii San!!!

 **Kanata:** its a "wonderful" username chiaki

 **not an actual dad:** THANK YOU KANATA

 **Kanata:** hello nacchan how "are" you?

 **Natsume:** im fine thank You!!

_Natsume changed not an actual dad to an actual Dad_

**Natsume:** for adding kanata nii san you get elevated to an actual dad Now

 **an actual Dad:** OOOOOH THIS IS EVEN BETTER !!!!

 **Kanata:** "thanks" for making chiaki "happy", nacchan

 **Natsume:** anything for you nii San !!!

 **Hokuto:** this is rare. puppy natsume makes an appearance

 **Natsume:** also rare: a cryptid has been Sighted

 **Hoezu:** i rly think itsuki senpai's the true cryptid he still hasnt said anything even though he reads the messages??

 **Shu:** I see it more befitting of me to lurk, than to actively participate

 **Natsume:** yikes shu nii San

 **Hoezu:** i got cut on the Edge

 **Team Mom:** makes sense that the only thing he says would be something edgy

 **Hokuto:** hi tf you mean cryptid bitch

 **Shu:** i can say many more things for you, sweet nito ♡

 **Team Mom:** um no pls go back into hiding

 **Natsume:** your existence is debatable hokke Kun

 **Natsume:** also youre one to Talk

 **Natsume:** considering how you tail baru kun everywhere like an actual Puppy

 **Hokuto:** excuse me i do not "tail" subaru anywhere he's the one that keeps following me places

 **Yuuta:** pics or it didnt happen

 **Hoezu:** WAIT EVERYONE I HAVE A ThING FOR THIS

_Hoezu sent a photo_

**Hoezu:** i made this collage in the event he says something like this im very proud of it

 **Hokuto:** why would you make a collage of me and that

 **Hoezu:** because i know how In Denial™ u are

 **Hoezu:** note that in each photo hes very distinctly going after subaru

 **Natsume:** thats a very large collage for someone who says hes not following Him

 **Hoezu:** the largest one in the centre is him leaving class w subs to get crepes downtown

 **Hokuto:** lies

 **Hokuto:** he manipulated me into going

 **Hoezu:** ""hey hokke wanna get crepes"" ""sure""

 **Team Mom:** does he make u go uwu too hokuto

 **Hokuto:** no

**Hoezu: yes**

 

_Hoezu changed Hokuto to uwu_

**uwu:** he does NOT make me go uwu

 **Team Mom:** then does he make your kokoro go doki doki

 **uwu:** tf no

_Hoezu sent a photo_

**Hoezu:** not according to this it dont

 **uwu:** YOU SAID YOU DLELETED IT

 **Natsume:** Dleleted

 **uwu:** suck a dick sakasaki

_Natsume changed their own name to sakasuck my dick_

**uwu:** youre impossible

 **Hoezu:** i know i said i would but its too good not to

 **Yuuta:** its so

 **Team Mom:** soft

 **Hoezu:** pure

 **sakasuck my dick:** must Protect

 **Mama:** i feel so warm yall cute

 **uwu:** please delete my existence

 **Hoezu:** subaru was talking about waking up w daiikichi's drool all over his face it was p gross tbh

 **Yuuta:** yet he looks so whipped

 **Hoezu:** lmao hes actually blushing now guys do yall wanna sefjhjek

 **sakasuck my dick:** ??

 **Mama:** he killed her rip in pieces

 **uwu:** i took her phone. it was necessary.

 **Yuuta:** actually if i look real hard you guys look like those guys

 **Yuuta:** the

 **Yuuta:** fuck

 **Team Mom:** take your time son

 **Yuuta:** shit whats it called again the vball one

 **Mama:** haikyuu??

 **Yuuta:** ya them

 **Hoezu:**  got it back and am in hiding from hokke lmao whaddup

 **uwu:** come back here and fucking fight me you snitch

 **Mama:** anime brought her back to life

 **Hoezu:** u bet ur ass it did i live for haikyuu

 **Hoezu:** kiyoko is my religion

 **Yuuta:** he looks like the milk kid

 **uwu:** never watched it but why tf am i milk kid

 **Mama:** lmao i thought the same thing when i first saw hokke

 **uwu:** is

 **uwu:** is that why you yelled toss to me

 **uwu:** when i was holding construction material

 **Mama:** yea lololol i didnt rly think it thru

 **Mama:** i think i was hoping you'd get the ref??

 **Mama:** i sure as fuck wasnt expecting u to actually throw a block of wood right at me

 **uwu:** you caught it whats the problem

 **Mama:** it was cushioned by my gut

 **Leo:** lies !!!!

 **Mama:** ???

 **Mama:** you saw the actual bruise??????

 **Leo:** ""cushioned"" implies ure soft but u not u shredded as fuck

 **Hoezu:** hes only soft in personality esp @ the first years its sweet

 **Mama:** oh um

 **Mama:** thanks?

 **Mama:** im

 **Mama:** gonna go lie down for a bit

 **Leo:** ...

 **Leo:** omgomg

 **Leo:** what did i do i meant it as a compliment

 **Kanata:** its "okay" leo

 **Kanata:** "you" probably "broke" him

 **an actual Dad:** I LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW AND HE IS FINE !! JUST LYING FACE DOWN ON THE TRACK

 **Leo:** oh ok gr8

 **Hoezu:** ah oops

 **Team Mom:** hes not used to compliments?

 **Mama:** i dont get a lot tbvh

 **Leo:** thats offEnsiVe

 **Hoezu:** everyone who thinks mama is precious and deserves love affection and good 5* cards say aye

 **Leo:** aye

 **Kanata:** "aye"

 **an actual Dad:** AYE

 **Yuuta:** aye

 **sakasuck my dick:** Aye

 **Team Mom:** aye !!

 **red guy:** aye

 **uwu:** ...aye

 **Hoezu:** im gonna go ahead and say aye for eichi and keito too since theyre not here

 **Leo:** precious cinnamon roll

 **Mama:** aaaah

 **Mama:** thanks a bunch yall (/▽＼*)｡o○♡

_Team Mom renamed the chat to appreciate mama in 2018_

**Hoezu:** no prob mama :)

* * *

****** **

_Hoezu added Hinata to appreciate mama in 2018_  

 **Hinata:** i'd appreciate mikejima senpai any time

 **Hinata:** preferably when he has track practice

 **Yuuta:** you insult me, my dog, my goat, my third aunt, that old chinese man downtown

 **Yuuta:** and now you come in here and _dare_ to be gay _in front of my face_

 **Hinata:** yuta-kun !!! nii-chan missed you !!!!!!!

 **Yuuta:** had it not been for the laws of this land i would have slaughtered you

 **Hoezu:** now boys please be civil i dont actually want any more choking

 **Hinata:** yea !!! listen to senpai !!!!!!

 **Yuuta:** hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 **Hinata:** also i cant believe you guys bullied yuuta without me

 **Hoezu:** entirely your fault

 **Hinata:** tru

 **Yuuta:** fine

 **Eichi:** You called?

 **Yuuta:** fukjcxck

 **Hinata:** u gone done him the spook

 **Hoezu:** ?? from just a text message???

 **Hinata:** hes weak af lmao remember the 5* card of him running n crying in a school hallway

 **Eichi:** Ah, no, he's actually spooked because I sent that text and happened to bump into him in the hallway

 **Eichi:** He dropped his phone

 **Keito:** Eichi don't lie you sent that text and crept up behind him on purpose

 **Eichi:** Guilty as charged ;)

 **Keito:** Eugh

 **red guy:** im awake and i smell a kink

 **red guy:** ah its ecchan i shouldve known

 **Eichi:** I have no idea what you mean Ritsu :)

 **red guy:** gross

 **Keito:** Disgusting

 **Eichi:** You didn't think so that time when we were 15 ;)

_Keito has left the chat_

**Hinata:** close your eyes yuta kun youre too young

 **Yuuta:** by 3 fucking minutes shut _up_

 **Hinata:** i would say ""best 3 minutes of my life"" as what is proper and just but thats a lie and i dont wanna be called out on it

 **Yuuta:** speaking of calling out your bs

 **Yuuta:** why the FUCK did you add me in and leave

 **Hinata:** Improvise, adapt, overcome lil bro

 **Yuuta:** first of all, improper, and furthermore outdated meme usage is illegal

 **Yuuta:** secondly i might as well be unit leader if all your bitchass gon do is push the work on to me

 **Hinata:** bitch i wanna see your weakass try be unit leader

_Yuuta removed Hinata_

**Yuuta:** viva la revolution bitch

 **Eichi:** I feel attacked because Subaru says the same thing every time he sees me

 **Hoezu:** yuuta :) sweaty :) you played yourself :)

 **Yuuta:** what

 **Yuuta:** SHITFUCK

 **Yuuta:** FUCKGININGFUKC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> formatting kills me i. im so tired hshsjsdjshdjk everytime i look theres something else thats missing/fucked so just uh. gloss over inconsistensies or formatting issues pls bold may be strong but im not
> 
> also like if yall have ideas on what i can write just comment i guess?? lmao i have 0 direction but maybe 4 creativity and 14 motivation


	3. Chapter 3

**Mama:** yall know what

 **Mama:** yall know fucking what

 **Leo:** mamas being aggressive im already shookt

 **Mama:** the longer i read the evillous chronicles the more confused i get and its pissing me off

 **Mama:** theres so many substories and plotlines

 **Mama:** and while, yes, they are impressive, what happens in the end?? nobody knows what gonna happen when all 7 sins reunite

 **Mama:** master of the hellish yard wya

 **Hoezu:** for the record i call apocalypse happening instead of utopia

 **Hoezu:** given the prophecy said something like ""tragedy gon strike""

 **Mama:** mmm sensible but yknow people can have different views on what "utopia" is

 **Mama:** and like tbh i'd say that everything thats already happened so far in the 7 sins part could count as a huge tragedy

 **Hoezu:** hmmm tru tru

 **Leo:** idk what yall r going on about but

 **Leo:** allen deserved better

 **Mama:** he murdered the girl he liked for his tyrannical sister

 **Leo:** your point being

 **Hoezu:** mama youre talking to siscon #1 remember

 **Mama:** ok ya tru but like

 **Leo:** imma stop u right there

 **Leo:** no spoilers allowed

 **Mama:** ugh fine

 **red guy:** mama youre into vocaloid??? what a surprise i was expecting country

 **Mama:** im into that too but lmao have you heard gumi

 **Mama:** her voice gives me goosebumps

 **Hoezu:** i would launch myself at the moon if she asked

 **Leo:** play any honeyworks song w her as vocal and its a guarantee ill nut right in ur face tbh

 **red guy:** same

 **Hoezu:** same

 **Mama:** same

 **Shu:** same

 **Hoezu:** itsuki senpai is a gumi fan. who knew

 **Shu:** she deserved better in the evillous chronicles universe

 **Leo:** she needs to _appear_

 **Mama:** what happened to no spoilers

 **Leo:** oop

 **Yuuta:** WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON CAN SOMEONE TELL ME PLEASE

 **red guy:** the fuck

 **Hoezu:** WYH IM SWITCHING FASTER THAN THE CHANNELS ON TV

 **Leo:** not honeyworks but ill take it

 **Mama:** IM BLACK THEN IM WHITE

 **Leo:** (NO)

 **Shu:** Something isnt right

 **Yuuta:** MY ENEMY'S INVISIBLE I DONTK NOW HOW TO FIGHT

 **Leo:** but rittsu isnt u can step on shit u fake ass fan

 **red guy:** just because i havent heard every vocaloid song in existence

 **Yuuta:** ok but like

 **Yuuta:** echo is everywhere??????

 **Yuuta:** everyone and their mother has covered it at least once

 **Yuuta:** its unforgivable that you havent heard it

 **Hoezu:** unforgivable

 **Shu:** Unacceptable

 **red guy:** idk i just dont really like english songs covered by vocaloid they come out a little weird

_Leo sent an audio file (0:09)_

**Mama:** oh my god

 **Hoezu:** holy fuck

 **Hoezu:** thats my new ringtone for u from now on

 **Yuuta:** u mean to tell me that is not actually an actual recording of the actual lemongrab schreeching his iconic "unacceptable"

 **Team Mom:** if you listen closely, at the end, you can hear me going """bloody fUCK iTs LEmONGRAB""""

 **Team Mom:** i genuinely thought lemongrab came into anime existence just to criticise my lunch

_Team Mom changed Leo to LEmOngrab_

**LEmOngrab:** to be fair ur lunch is fuckigni disgusting idk how u put banana bread in ur mouth

 **Team Mom:** idk how you put izumi's dick in your mouth either but i dont ask do i

 **Hoezu:** o shit

 **Yuuta:** exposed

 **Mama:** destroyed

 **LEmOngrab:** what the fuck u gremlin i hope u choke on ur gross fucking bread

 **Team Mom:** i hope u choke on his dick

 **red guy:** do you want some ice ousama i can send izumi and his cold dead heart over

 **Team Mom:** no he'll want to prove a point or something and start sucking his dick right in front of me probably

_red guy added Izumi to appreciate mama in 2018_

**red guy:** have fun secchan

 **LEmOngrab:** you know what youre 10000% right

 **Izumi:** this is so annoying

 **Izumi:** so im gonna go ahead and assume team mom is nazunyan

 **Team Mom:** wise choice

 **Izumi:** ousama why would you tell nazunyan about anything we do

 **LEmOngrab:** ????? i didnt tell him a word he walked in on me blowing u

 **Team Mom:** you didnt notice????????

 **red guy:** i did too in knights' practice room and he didnt notice either

 **Izumi:** um no ?? i was getting blown how the hell would i notice something like that

 **Izumi:** kuma-kun whenst the fuck did you walk in

 **red guy:** the one against the mirror

 **red guy:** why do you think i stay like a good 5 ft away

 **Yuuta:** waitwait that implies youve done it within school premises more than once

 **Yuuta:** im never touching any of the walls or furniture ever again

 **Yuuta:** yall fucking nasty

 **Izumi:** you shitty brat ill throttle your skinny ass neck dont fucking test me

 **Hoezu:** _you shitty brat ill_

 **Hoezu:** _throttle your skinny ass neck_

 **Hoezu:** _dont fucking test me_

 **Hoezu:** ^Haiku^Bot^6. I detect haikus with 5-7-5 format. Sometimes I make mistakes. Meep morp! Zeet!

 **red guy:** good bot

 **Izumi:** dont think youre fucking safe just because youre off sick today brat

 **Hoezu:** this coming from the guy that actually volunteered to teach me how to ice skate and called me a """"good girl""""

 **Izumi:** i take it back then youre just as annoying as the rest of them

 **Hoezu:** :(

 **Team Mom:** how dare you make her type that

 **LEmOngrab:** youve offended basically the entire idol course

 **Eichi:** I would crush you beneath my heel for her sake

 **Yuuta:** we'll only ever work together for her and only her

 **Shu:** I agree

 **red guy:** so u best bet youre going down if you offend her in any way, shape or form

 **Izumi:** tch

 **Izumi:** fine youre less annoying than they are

 **Hoezu:** :D

 **LEmOngrab:** forgiven

 **Team Mom:** """tch""" like youre some anime rival w a tragic backstory to explain his cold exterior and 141 insecurities

 **Izumi:** hey nazunyan how about you fuck off

 **an actual Dad:** HELLO ALL !! I REALLY DO WANT TO KNOW IF YOU GUYS HAVE SEX IN SCHOOL

 **Izumi:** oh my god you're here too

 **Izumi:** soo annoying

 **LEmOngrab:** lmao ye a lot in different places

 **LEmOngrab:** ya boi got game

 **Izumi:** please dont ever say that again ever

 **an actual Dad:** WELL THAT'S NOT VERY HYGIENIC BUT PLEASE CLEAN UP AFTERWARDS!!!

 **an actual Dad:** USE PROTECTION AS WELL !!!

 **Eichi:** Actually it's preferable if you didn't have sex in school because I'm sure its violating some rule or other

 **LEmOngrab:** lmao u dont control me !!!

 **LEmOngrab:** cmon sena dyou wanna fuck in the bathroom rn i wanna piss him off

 **Eichi:** And you can't dm him this because?

 **LEmOngrab:** like i said i wanna piss u off

 **an actual Dad:** : NOW THAT'S NOT VERY NICE TSUKINAGA !!

 **LEmOngrab:** sorry dad

 **LEmOngrab:** i dont want to piss u off

 **LEmOngrab:** i just want u to feel mildly (extremely) annoyed w the knowledge that im gettin sum right here in ur prestigious golden school

 **an actual Dad:** : CAN BE IMPROVED BUT ITS MUCH BETTER THAN BEFORE

 **Eichi:** I don't actually see how it's better

 **an actual Dad:** HE DIDN'T SWEAR THIS TIME

 **Eichi:** That's your standard??

 **an actual Dad:** : YES !! SWEARING IS THE MARK OF A BAD CHILD

 **LEmOngrab:** wait then why didnt u say anything about ice queen elsa here

 **Izumi:** oi

 **an actual Dad:** I ALREADY KNOW WHAT COMES OUT OF HIS MOUTH DAILY

 **an actual Dad:** EVEN CLEANING HIS MOUTH WITH BLEACH WONT HELP HIM

 **Izumi:** _oi_

 **Eichi:** Oh my

 **Izumi:** just for that

 **Izumi:** ousama meet me in 5 minutes outside the bathroom

 **Izumi:** theres another person i want to piss off

 **LEmOngrab:** marvelous

 **red guy:** nacchan asks if theyre invited

 **LEmOngrab:** !!! sure !!!!

 **Izumi:** mmm fine

 **Team Mom:** i cant believe. a booty call for a _threesome_ happened right in front of my face

 **LEmOngrab:** believe it honey ;)

* * *

 

 **Hoezu:** upon special request of Keito the Great and Feared

_Hoezu added Keito to appreciate mama in 2018_

**Keito:** Whoever the FUCK is blasting S &M you better watch yourself because I'm out for your blood

 **Team Mom:** i think the term is "whomstever"

 **LEmOngrab:** wrong kink keito darling thats called bloodplay

 **Keito:** I will step on the both of you

 **Team Mom:** daddy

 **LEmOngrab:** daddy  <3

 **Keito:** Filthy. Why are the both of you like this

 **Hoezu:** i miss one day of school and it happens to be the day yall pull this smh

 **Yuuta:** tbh youre missing out senpai theyre broadcasting it schoolwide using the comms its gr8

 **Keito:** It is _not_ great it's disgusting stop this at once

 **LEmOngrab:** cuz i may be bad but im perfectly good at it

 **Keito:** You fucking alien are you behind this

 **sakasuck my dick:** sex in the air idc i love the smell of It

 **LEmOngrab:** STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES BUT

 **Team Mom:** CHAINS AN DWHIPS EXCITE ME

 **Yuuta:** leo senpai and natsume senpai are tbh expected but the smallest of us all having one of the kinkest of kinks is mildly alarming

 **Team Mom:** say that again bitch and ill pull a killing stalking on u

 **LEmOngrab:** im sangwoo

 **Team Mom:** piss off im sangwoo youre the hoe that got stabbed to death by yb

 **Keito:** Absolutely disgusting stop it before I report you both for misconduct

 **Keito:** _ALL STAR BY SMASHMOUTH IS NOT BETTER THERE ARE CLASSES GOING ON S HU T THE F UCK U P_

 **sakasuck my dick:** some

 **Team Mom:** BODY ONCE TOLD ME

 **LEmOngrab:** THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME

 **Yuuta:** i aint the sharpest tool in the shed

 **Keito:** That's it I'm sending Fushimi after you all

 **sakasuck my dick:** Gasp

 **LEmOngrab:** the ultimate S is released

 **Team Mom:** final boss

 **LEmOngrab:** quick send the ultimate M to defeat him

 **sakasuck my dick:** i nominate Aoba

 **Team Mom:** i acknowledge your aoba and raise you a mika-chin

 **sakasuck my dick:** shit u Right

 **Shu:** nito youre wonderful but how could you call kagehira the ultimate M

 **Team Mom:** he puts up wih you

_Keito added Yuzuru to appreciate mama in 2018_

**Yuzuru:** I've been notified of what's happening by Vice-President sama

 **Yuzuru:** Prepare yourselves.

 **sakasuck my dick:** yikes yall gotta Go

 **LEmOngrab:** karma got its kiss for me lolololol

 **Team Mom:** team rocket blasting off at the speed of light

 **LEmOngrab:** surrender now or prepare to fight fight fightightegkl

_Yuuta changed Team Mom to jessie_

**jessie:** rip in pieces leo chin your sacrifice was noble and brave ill never forget youjhfsdjfh

_Yuuta changed LEmOngrab to james_

_Yuuta changed their own name to meowth_

**meowth:** meowth das right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the random vocaloid rant there im fr still sorting thru the whole evillous chronicles thing like its well thought out n shit but god. what a clusterfuck
> 
> also i hc nazu as like. a semi closet meme-ist lmao the longer u kno him the more memes will come up and he'll pull shit like this openly right in ur face (unless ure in rabits then hes model nii chan all the way in front of u) 
> 
> im trying to upload as often as possible before school starts up so again if yall have suggestions on what i can write leave a comment mmmmkayyy


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit shorter than usual bc i speedwrote this for xmas lmao
> 
> merry christmas if u celebrate it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! happy holidays if u dont huheuheue
> 
> a key of sorts:  
> Hoezu: anzu  
> meowth: yuuta  
> sakasuck my dick: natsume  
> james: leo  
> jessie: nazunyan  
> red guy: ritsu  
> an actual Dad: chiaki  
> everyone else: themselves

_Hoezu renamed the chat to IT ChRISMIS_

_Hoezu added Hinata to IT ChRISMIS_

**Hinata:** merr cHrimsis

 **Hoezu:** it is officially the appropriate time for me to be hype about chrisssmnas

 **meowth:** why cant you be like the rest of the chyrsmanst fandom and get hype in like november

 **meowth:** not like. approaching 4am the day itself

 **Hoezu:** i live outside the status quo son

 **meowth:** u apparently live outside common sense too

 **Hoezu:** slander. by my o Wn so n

 **Hoezu:** on this day of the _birth_ of _christ_

 **Hinata:** to be fair senpai you have to admit getting into the Mood on the day itself is kinda late

 **Hoezu:** ex cus e me i reserve the right to get hype for anything anytime i want bitch

 **Hoezu:** i demand respect for chris'moth

 **james:** i dont want a lot for catsmas

 **meowth:** tHERE IS JUS T ONE THING I NEED

 **Hoezu:** hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 **Hinata:** I DOnT CARE ABOUT THE PRSSENTS UNDERNEATH THE CHRISHMACH TREE

 **Hoezu:** i just want u for my own

 **james:** MORE THAN U COULD EVER KNOW

 **Hinata:** MAK E MY WISH CC OME TRUE

 **meowth:** BABY ALL I WANT FOR CHRHITSMANS

 **Hoezu:** is some goddamn respect

 **james:** IS YOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

 **james:** u r Ui ned the songgngngng how _dare_ you disrespect the queen of chri tsma s like this she deserves better

 **Hoezu:** how dare you disrespect _me_

 **Kanata:** "blast" this thirstmas music... its joyful and "triumphant"

 **sakasuck my dick:** nii san did you just quote the Grinch

 **Hinata:** so do u have a built in shinkai senpai sensor or

 **sakasuck my dick:** maybe i do maybe i dont how bout u get your flat ass off my dick about It, Runt

 **meowth:** c _ri s p_

 **Hinata:** i may never recover

 **james:** omg @ me next time bc i kin the grinch

 **meowth:** never say that again i beg u

 **james:** cant stop wont stop

 **Hoezu:** ohmy go d

 **Kanata:** the "grinch" is a good "movie", nacchan

 **Hinata:** the grinch he,..he s m y rol e mod e l,.,.,.,.,

 **Hinata:** hes my ride or die...,,,,. my main man,..,.,., my g Uy

 **meowth:** rt

 **Kanata:** "rt"

 **sakasuck my dick:** never watched It

 **james:** didnt either

 **an actual Dad:** I HAVE NOT WATCHED IT ALSO !!! I ALWAYS REWATCH KAMEN RIDER DURING CHARSTMAS

 **Kanata:** weren't "you" going to go "to" bed at "11", chiaki?

 **an actual Dad:** .....I GOT CARRIED AWAY WATCHING KAMEN RIDER

 **Hoezu:** what a role model

 **james:** inspirational

 **Hinata:** you guys

 **Hinata:** havent watched it

 **meowth:** i didnt know people like that still existed in this plane of existence

 **Hinata:** im having a stroke probably

 **Kanata:** you should "watch" it, nacchan i "promise" its worth it

 **Hoezu:** im personally more of a nightmare before criesmas person

 **Hinata:** im definitely having a stroke

 **Hinata:** senpai ily but n o

 **Hoezu:** ex _cuse me_

 **meowth:** mmmmm i gotta agree w aniki on this

 **meowth:** the grinch reigns supreme

 **Hoezu:** whatever you say, jack

 **james:** of course, jack

 **Hoezu:** wouldnt dream of it, jack

 **sakasuck my dick:** isnt nbc more of a halloween Movie

 **Hoezu:** its a timeless work of art to be enjoyed anytime natsume dont give me that slander at 3:52 am

 **Hoezu:** i cant believe it im being disrespected

 **Hoezu:** _in my own gc_

 **Hoezu:** macklemore didnt die for this

 **Hinata:** neither did he die for u to say that nbc is better than the grinch

 **an actual Dad:** WHEN DID MACKLEMORE DIE??

 **meowth:** its an _expression,_ dad

 **an actual Dad:** OH OKAY THATS GOOD THEN I REALLY LIKE HIS MUSIC

 **Hoezu:** unnecessary

 **Hinata:** my heart is weak

 **sakasuck my dick:** i believe that will be a discussion for another Day

 **meowth:** its too early on chhhrismmmas morning for me to educate anyone on what is good music and what is most definitely Not

 **Hinata:** i, however, dont have a good concept of time and im always ready to fight all of u for the grinch

 **Rei:** I'm not too sure on what's happening, but there's really only one way to solve this, isn't there?

 **Hoezu:** omg edward u right _@hinatrash_ meet me in the fucking pit so i can beat some sense into u

 **Hinata:** ure fucking on

 **Rei:** No I actually meant a movie marathon?

 **Hoezu:** ...that does make more sense actually

 **Hoezu:** but for the record im down to throw hands @ any1 n every1 even my own children

 **Hoezu:** so u better watch ur back hinaslut

 **Hoezu:** ┬┴┬┴┤(･_├┬┴┬┴

_meowth changed Hinata to hinaslut_

**hinaslut:** ヽ(￣д￣;)ノ=3=3=3

 **meowth:** anyway anyone else on for the movie marathon??

 **hinaslut:** time 4 sum education, bc the fucking grinch is the best chrismat movie in history n yall nerds gotta learn to appreciate culture and art

 **Hoezu:** mmmyea im down

 **Hoezu:** just for that bitch we're watching all the home alone movies too

 **james:** finally u give a decent suggestion

 **Hoezu:** bitch _i will cut u_

 **Rei:** I wouldn't mind

 **Kanata:** i would "like" to join as "well"

 **an actual Dad:** ME AS WELL!!!!!

 **sakasuck my dick:** same Here

 **meowth:** i was expecting ritsu senpai to be here too?? since sakuma senpai is here

 **Rei:** Poor thing had a bit too much to drink tonight

 **Rei:** He's passed out on the couch

_Rei sent a photo_

**Rei:** By the way, Shu popped by for some turkey and was dragged into a drinking match with my dad so he's passed out too

 **Rei:** Aren't they cute?

 **hinaslut:** uh sure jan

 **Rei:** No, this is Rei

 **hinaslut:** hurkjgh i choked on my eggnog

 **Hoezu:** 0\. u have _0 right_ to talk to me about shit taste when u drink that filth

 **hinaslut:** senpai full offence but im fr gonna fight u one day

 **Hoezu:** just fuckign try, short shit

 **Hoezu:** anyway thats less people than i expected to join but ill send yall the link for the rabbit in a bit

 **meowth:** senpai its almost 4am the rest r probably in bed

 **Hoezu:** :o

 **Hoezu:** riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight i forgot what healthy sleeping habits are like

 **hinaslut:** grinch first

 **Hoezu:** my damn room my damn rules slut nbc first

* * *

 

 **Keito:** I'm astounded that you all were arguing over this at _4 in the damn morning_

 **Hoezu:** lmao we ended up watching enchanted too

 **hinaslut:** not a christ'smat movie but its the only cinematic treasure we agreed on

 **meowth:** leo senpai knows the wholeass script im still in awe when flawlessly imitated the chipmunk every single time

 **hinaslut:** says the kid that knows the whole script to the bee movie

 **meowth:** theres a bee columbus bee ghandi _and_ a bee jesus yall just sleeping on a gr8 movie

 **james:** lmao my english works on a case by case basis

 **james:** it works for enchanted, home alone, nbc, etc

 **james:** but like bring up mean girls 2 for example and im suddenly monolingual

 **Kanata:** hehehe, it was a "lot" of "fun", puka

 **james:** i spilled popcorn on my bed @ the grinch's redemption arc i was so proud

 **Izumi:** ..... you call it his """redemption arc"""

 **james:** i refuse to call it anything other than what it is

 **an actual Dad:** I FELL ASLEEP HALFWAY BUT IT WAS AN ENJOYABLE EXPERIENCE

 **sakasuck my dick:** halfway through the first Movie, you Mean

 **an actual Dad:** I CAN ONLY SEEM TO STAY AWAKE FOR HERO SHOWS REGRETFULLY

 **jessie:** how are you all still alive

 **jessie:** i cant stay up that late no matter how hard i try

 **jessie:** 8 hours of sleep is the healthy amount?? sleeping after the sun rises is definitely not healthy tf

 **Izumi:** thats both disgusting and not good for your skin

 **Hoezu:** how many years has it been since ive seen _anything_ even _approaching_ 8 hours

 **Hoezu:** im lookin at u @insomnia

 **james:** hey nazu arent u like 12 or something

 **Keito:** Isn't your bedtime at 8pm, child

 **Hoezu:** ∑(O_O;)

 **hinaslut:** y i Kes

 **jessie:** hey

 **jessie:** listen here

 **jessie:** i will fuck u up dont think i wont

 **Keito:** Threatening

 **jessie:** m e e t m e i n t h e p i t b i t c h

 **Keito:** Gladly

 **Hoezu:** how cute

 **jessie:** _i resent that_

 **Hoezu:** anyway !!! its all good yall nbc won as best chatnoirmas movie

 **hinaslut:** by _default_ since only u me izumi senpai sakasaki senpai and sakuma senpai were awake

 **hinaslut:** and yall are sluts for halloween even more than jesusmas there wasnt a chance to save the grinch from undeserved damnation

 **jessie:** izumi chin was awake???

 **Izumi:** i wake up early and ousama called me to take over his spot so he could nap

 **james:** ♡♡♡

 **Izumi:** ew

 **hinaslut:** my own brother couldnt stay up long enough to vote smh i shouldve known hes still a child

 **meowth:** once again im _3 fucking minutes younger_

 **hinaslut:** his bedtime's at 8 too, _@jessie_ dont feel left out

 **meowth:** dic k head

 **jessie:** fuc ki n ng im destroying u too watch me fucking do it

 **Hoezu:** ill bring the popcorn

 **sakasuck my dick:** ill bring tissue and Bandaids

 **jessie:** bandaid color

 **sakasuck my dick:** neon Pink

 **jessie:** bitchin

 **red guy:** for the record im gonna say i prefer nbc over the grinch

 **Izumi:** me too tbh its a lot better and nothing tops stop animation

 **hinaslut:** thank god your drunk ass didnt appear last night i wouldve strangled u

 **red guy:** the grinch is a generic 2 inch unscented candle to jack's 8 ft of full course chrisminth dinner scented candle sculpted to look like santa's tight ass _the grinch never stood a chance yall just stubbornly ignorant_

 **Hoezu:** amen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> believe me i wanted to ramble about nbc and the grinch more but,.,..,,. i., havent.,.,.,, watched them either hA so i cut the end a bit awkwardly lmao
> 
> hope yall like it anyway lololololol if u look properly its actually an exercise in how many ways i can incorrectly spell xmas if i spell it accurately a n yw her e holler n ill wreck it


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i use they/them for naru in writing bc its a nice neutral term since different people use different terms for naru but i personally use she/her irl so like,, if i slip up pls tell me !!
> 
> a key of sorts:  
> Hoezu: anzu  
> meowth: yuuta  
> sakasuck my dick: natsume  
> james: leo  
> uwu: hokke  
> mama: madara  
> jessie: nazunyan  
> red guy: ritsu  
> hinaslut: hinata  
> an actual Dad: chiaki   
> everyone else: themselves

**jessie:** wait so like

 **jessie:** if shu stayed over at rei's for the night

 **jessie:** does that mean mika chin spent christmath alone???

 **Rei:** Shu how could you

 **Shu:** nito you're wonderful but how could you think of me so irresponsibly

 **Rei:** Sure, just gloss over me

 **hinaslut:** top 10 anime betrayals

 **Shu:** he went back to kansai to spend kristmas with his family

_Shu sent an image_

**Hoezu:** ... he brought naru along too???

 **sakasuck my dick:** how Romantic

 **red guy:** how im tryna be with maa kun

 **james:** ad ora b le

 **Izumi:** gross

 **james:** u kno u _could_ be more supportive of naru n their romantic exploits

 **Izumi:** but where's the fun in that? my salt only makes things more interesting and dramatic for them

 **Izumi:** they need some entertainment

 **Hoezu:** mmmm sure jan

_Hoezu changed Izumi to salty sol_

**salty sol:** (ﾒ` ﾛ ´)

 **Hoezu:** (･ω <)☆

_salty sol changed Hoezu to melty luna_

**melty luna:** a quality reference im surprised youve watched a magical boy anime izumi senpai

 **salty sol:** shit

 **james:** cover's been blown time to expose the truth: hes a slut for shoujo and shounen ai

 **red guy:** can confirm; ive watched gekkan shoujo nozaki kun with him

 **jessie:** can also confirm; he watched hitorijime my hero with me

 **salty sol:** so maybe fuck off

 **melty luna:** no shame in feeling like a normal high school kid instead of a model/idol, senpai

 **Shu:** wait wait

 **Shu:** narukami and kagehira are dating? and he didn't tell me?

 **james:** NONOnonoono we never said th a t

 **meowth:** this takes #1 in that top 10 betrayals definitely

 **red guy:** theyre not dating but naru wants to

 **Mama:** how could yall expose naru like this

 **james:** literally everyone except shu (and mika chan) knows and thats only bc naru doesnt like talking to him

 **Shu:** oh my god

 **Rei:** But if they like him, why aren't they dating yet?

 **salty sol:** attempts to confess or take kagehira out on a date ... havent ended very well

 **hinaslut:** how can u mess up a confession tho what kinda hugeass mistake could yall possibly make

 **meowth:** literally what can go wrong aside from getting rejected lmao

 **Shu:** yes please... confess

 **sakasuck my dick:** shu nii san Pls

 **james:** we tried the letter in the shoe locker thing

 **salty sol:** ....

 **jessie:** : .......and?????

 **salty sol:** ...he thought the anon confessor ie naru was calling him out to the roof terrace to _fight_

 **james:** mistake #1: "i have something to say to you, face to face" is apparently an invitation to get beat

 **melty luna:** oooh i think i know this one

 **red guy:** u def do its partially your fault ho

 **Rei:** I'm intrigued

 **uwu:** i havent shown up in a while but im intrigued as well pls go on

 **Mama:** neither have i !! im interested n i missed yall

 **james:** mama sweetie youre doing ggr8 dont ever change

 **james:** so anyway naru went n said something like "how abt u dont turn up yeah maybe thats for the best" since the kid was obv freaking out n naru isnt heartless like sena

 **salty sol:** thats unnecessary but true

 **salty sol:** naru is also not brave enough to tell confess right on the spot w/o a bulletproof bulleted list so they didnt tell mika the letter was from them

 **meowth:** what a wreck

 **sakasuck my dick:** Yikes

 **red guy:** wait it gets better

 **Mama:** before that "bulletproof bulleted list" explain

 **red guy:** its a burden

 **james:** strategy: organizing the schedule w estimated confession time (10 minutes), possible responses and the appropriate answers to each, practicing for the actual confession for at least another 30 min, fire escapes and exits, pacing around sena house for about 45 min,

 **salty sol:** aesthetics: mani, pedi, 3 different face masks, at least 1.5h styling their hair + doing their make up perfectly with _my_ damn help, the most _fucking_ expensive parfait from the cafeteria to relax, getting _me_ to massage hand cream into their fucking hands for them to make them soft, making _me_ give them a Motivational Confession Pep Talk™ that they, for _some_ fucking reason, believe i am capable of despite how emotionally incompetent i am and have repeatedly proven myself to be,

 **melty luna:** ...

 **jessie:** ...

 **james:** ...

 **meowth:** ...

 **sakasuck my dick:** ...

 **Mama:** ...

 **uwu:** ...

 **Shu:** ...

 **salty sol:** ... (`皿´＃)

 **red guy:** ... ok so moving on

 **red guy:** he shows up anyway

 **red guy:** dragging naru along

 **Mama:** poor naru omg

 **red guy:** naru didnt wanna go n theyre texting us for he l p to get mika to give up on it

 **salty sol:** mistake #2: naru was distracted n not paying attention to the dumbass

 **james:** knees weak arms spaghetti he somehow mistakenly picks a fight w kaoru bc the fool was just standing there

 **james:** i think he was waiting for anzu?

 **melty luna:** i _was_ gonna meet him on time but i bumped into adonis n he wanted me to help him choose between strawberry bread and melon bread

 **melty luna:** the poor boy was in a _dilemma_ it was cruel to let him suffer

 **Mama:** what a pure boy

 **salty sol:** so of course kao kun's like tf is happening but he gets ready to throw down anyway bc hes dumb as shit

 **salty sol:** thing is the fight doesnt even start bc a child comes flying at naru out of assfuck nowhere, clinging and screaming

 **jessie:** he mc _what_

 **james:** shhhh u aint heard shit yet

 **red guy:** naru is mildly stunned bc they fell flat on they ass from the force of a tinytiny kid thats talking a mile a minute

 **james:** both mika chan n kaoru r slightly shookt n nobody moves except for the kid whos like. basically yelling

 **james:** @jessie if u need a hint its the track kid in ur unit

 **jessie:** what an angel he deserves the world

 **Mama:** tenma is the most soft precious thing my g o o d so n

 **uwu:** spoken like true moms

 **red guy:** yes so

 **red guy:** smol kid's yelling @ them abt whatever track kids yell abt

 **salty sol:** we asked naru they didnt know what he was going on about either

 **jessie:** sounds like mitsuru chin

 **red guy:** hakaze's apparently still in the damn mood to Fight bc he thinks anzu stood him up on a date she didnt even kno she was supposed to go for

 **melty luna:** is this retribution for being extra late bc i was getting him melon bread too if it is im never being nice again

 **sakasuck my dick:** being nice is always a Mistake

 **salty sol:** mood

 **james:** ya so this is where anzu shows up w adonis bc he heard shes meeting kaoru and they had,,., business(?)

 **red guy:** otogari sees hakaze pulling mika's collar to him in typical anime boutta-start-some-shit pose

 **red guy:** mouth full of pork bun he goes into Protect the Weak™ mode

 **james:** not his usual protecc mode tho yall its. something else

 **salty sol:** he flies in, pulls them apart, and s _ma_ c _k_ s kao kun's ass while simultaneously petting mika's head

 **Rei:** Oh my

 **Shu:** dear lord

 **uwu:** advanced Protec the Weak™ mode

 **salty sol:** kao kun made A Sex Noise™

 **jessie:** im c.ryin g thats more than what i wanted to know

 **salty sol:** naru said and i quote _"IM STI L L N OT FUCKIGN RECO V ERE D I S W EAR I BLANKE D OUT FOR A WILD S ECOND BC NANI THE F U CK IS UNDEAD DOI N G"_

 **Rei:** Well

 **melty luna:** honestly i relate bc the contrast between petting a head n literally smacking an ass is something im simply not equipped to understand

 **uwu:** yet probably able to perfectly replicate

 **james:** no u airheads thats l e s s important

 **jessie:** the implication that _adonis_ and _kaoru_ are _fuck i n g_

 **Eichi:** In my GOOD MORAL A C A D EM Y

 **salty sol:** fuck i forgot youre here too

 **meowth:** the emperor memeing is an Experience

 **hinaslut:** am i honored am i creeped out nobody knows

 **Eichi:** Listening to how you all behave on a _daily basis_ makes me feel like vine came back

 **Eichi:** It's amusing and I feel like participating once in a while

 **james:** hgmnhgnmh im uncomfortable with him memeing never do it again

 **Eichi:** In your words from Chapter 3, """"lmao u dont control me!!!"""

 **james:** dis g u s t ing

 **salty sol:** you deserve it

 **melty luna:** u guys havent heard the end yet lmaooo

 **uwu:** theres more. i cant be l _ie v e_

 **red guy:** mmhmmm so hakaze's face turned as red as his ass probably was and adonis looked away to lecture him more abt the Strong, the Weak and the Witch's Wardrobe or some shit

 **Rei:** My children are good children

 **melty luna:** we're all still like. frozen on the spot aside from the chatterbox who is _still talking_ and adonis who's very immersed in his lecture

 **melty luna:** all of a sudden mika turns

 **melty luna:** ""hhhhhh _hhhhhh_ "" he says and he looks like his soul's been sent to the next life without him

 **red guy:** if u ask naru they'll claim that mika awakened to a new kink

 **Shu:** you all should know i have a weak mental state this just fucks with me even m o r e

 **melty luna:** t b h it did look a little bit like he was having an Awakening™ afterwards

 **Mama:** rest in pieces _@shu_

 **melty luna:** anyway he grabs us + the talking child n we yoted tf outta there

 **james:** izu made them handwrite an apology since they were too pussy too see him again irl

 **salty sol:** honestly i dont think kao kun wants to see any of them ever again either so it works out

 **salty sol:** so on the way down from the roof terrace they bump into akiomi who of course asks why theyre so shook for

 **james:** naru is already Not Ok so introduce aki sensei and its

 **james:** its like messing with the plot of ghost in the shell _in addition_ to casting ScarJo as an asian character: a Box Office Flop

 **red guy:** naru squeak, naru panic

 **red guy:** naru spill the tea

 **meowth:** o no

 **melty luna:** "....sENSEI H I HELL O HOW ARE YOU yO URe LOOkiNg gREaT TodAY dID YOU KNo W ADONIS AND HAKAZE ARE FU c K ING-"

 **james:** they try to stop them but the damage has been done

 **melty luna:** "....um. no thats- uh, nice, um"

 **melty luna:** he, obviously struggling to absorb those news, walks away

 **melty luna:** naru.exe stops working

 **jessie:** t he poo r thi n g

 **salty sol:** you mean poor _us_ hes our homeroom teacher hes never looked at kao kun directly ever since n the poor kid doesnt even know its bc naru snitched on him

 **red guy:** naru came over without a word that day and just. lay down for a whole hour and a half on my bed doing nothing

 **red guy:** we called suuchan over after that to watch mean girls + binge ice cream

 **Shu:** I'm assuming this is why kagehira came back one day and piled all his stuffed toys onto the floor before crawling in and hibernating

 **james:** so yeah thats just one of the times naru tried to confess lmao theres so many more

 **hinaslut:** that was wild from start to finish

 **Mama:** who knew a confession could be such an Experience

 **meowth:** so we just gonna ignore ""yoted""

 **meowth:** isnt that like double past tense

 **melty luna:** well i mean it sounds better than ""yeeted""

 **Mama:** yeet 2

 **uwu:** both are meaningless

 **james:** how rude yeet is a good meme

 **uwu:** yes thats why both yoted n yeet 2 are meaningless

 **Mama:** having a passion for proper memeistry is a good direction to have in life

 **Eichi:** I'm actually quite surprised that this happened it sounds so _fake_

 **james:** do u want a first hand recount

 **melty luna:** was i not there

 **meowth:** was naru senpai not live tweeting all of u this as it went down

_james added Narukami to the chat_

**james:** u wanted a first hand recount, u get a first hand recount

 **Shu:** literally nobody asked

 **Narukami:** :o

 **Narukami:** vv fast scroll up but

 **Narukami:** #1 my own unit members exposed me. cancelled

 **salty sol:** about time, honestly

 **red guy:** knights is a unit of betrayals

 **Narukami:** #2 you guys made this chat without me??? offended

 **meowth:** it _was_ meant for unit leaders but _s o me_ people couldnt be responsible enough to do 1 (one) damn job

 **hinaslut:** wow @ me next time

 **Narukami:** #3 i love mika. a lot. just in case yall dont know

 **Shu:** spare me.

 **Narukami:** the exit button is right there honey pls show yourself out

 **jessie:** mmmm whatcha sayyyy

 **Narukami:** #4

_Naru changed their name to Mika's no.1 fan_

**sakasuck my dick:** a necessary Upgrade

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** ☆⌒(ゝ。∂)

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** #5 wh a t is undead doing. fr

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** ik for a fA c t its not just hakaze and ado chan getting it On yall best fess up

 **Rei:** W e l l

 **red guy:** imma stop u right there

 **red guy:** if theres anything

 **red guy:** _Anything_

 **red guy:** going on in your unit i don.t want to kno

 **Rei:** It's not really that bad

 **red guy:** no.

 **Rei:** :(

 **james:** tragic

 **james:** so do yall wanna hear about the time naru tried to confess by kabedon

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** ousama pls n o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> salty sol n melty luna r the idol twins from binan koukou chikyuu boueibu lovelove (the magical boy anime s2) theyre gr8 i love them w my whole being 
> 
> also this chapter. why did i wait so long to add naru in im yelling @ myself
> 
> also um things r starting to get Busy so updates arent gonna b as often anymore !!! existence is a burden and id prefer to live as a domesticated house cat, but here i am


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a key of sorts:  
> salty sol: izumi  
> melty luna: anzu  
> meowth: yuuta  
> sakasuck my dick: natsume  
> james: leo  
> Mika's no.1 fan: naru  
> uwu: hokke  
> mama: madara  
> jessie: nazunyan  
> red guy: ritsu  
> hinaslut: hinata  
> an actual Dad: chiaki   
> everyone else: themselves

**melty luna** : so i kno tis the season and all that bs

 **melty luna:** but like

 **melty luna:** this is so Extra the fuck

 **meowth:** ??

 **melty luna:** i found an elf in my damn bag

 **Yuzuru:** A who?

 **Rei:** The type that goes on a shelf?

 **melty luna:** yea

 **melty luna:** i left my seat for like

 **melty luna:** 5 min ??? and i came back to see its fucking head sticking out the side

 **melty luna:** cue me opening my bag to find that it doesnt have the lower half of its body??

 **Mama:** ,,,,,, i think i have it

 **Mama:** it was legit just. sitting on my chair like it had more than 2 leg and a waist

 **Mama:** i didnt even know they had these elves in japan????

 **jessie:** >:o its those creepy fucks

 **jessie:** there was one riding the microphone in the broadcasting room poor mako chin was so confused

 **salty sol:** if he knew what riding was i'd slaughter someone

 **jessie:** ,,,,

 **james:** that tsun/yan act aint cute by the way

 **salty sol:** shut the fuck

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** !!

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** there was one hanging by the neck with someone's tie from a ceiling fan in class

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** we didnt know and turned it on

 **red guy:** it launched itself out an open window im p sure it hit someone but none of us went to look

 **hinaslut:** w _il d_

 **hinaslut:** im lowkey alarmed but at the same time,,..,., what kinda _genius_ can pull this off

 **meowth:** tbh honestly same

 **melty luna:** its a phenomena

 **james:** its a legend

 **Yuzuru:** No, it's a bother.

 **jessie:** yumenosaki's next horror story

 **Yuzuru:** Someone did its autopsy on Bocchama's desk and there was stuffing everywhere

 **Yuzuru:** He called me to dispose of it because he refused to touch it

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** is that why u disappeared without a word in 4th period

 **Yuzuru:** ,,, He was nearly in tears I couldn't leave him like that

 **red guy:** im kinda annoyed that there was one in my coffin bc who th e _f uck_ picked the da m n lock

 **Rei:** There was one hugging my ham fridge within my coffin as well. I'm worried

 **an actual Dad:** THERE WAS ONE STUCK IN THE HOOP AT THE BASKETBALL COURT THIS MORNING AS WELL

 **salty sol:** chrastmas is over what kinda practical joke

 **uwu:** one was taped to the wall outside the lecture hall a la 50 shades

 **Mama:** hngjgknfg i dont think that happened in the movie but thats not an image i w _An_ t e d

 **meowth:** lmao how would _you_ kno what the movie is like

 **Mama:** ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 **meowth:**  i was kidding but my  _own mother_ sins to a shitty movie wow

 **hinaslut:** it really be ya own fam smh

**Mama:**

**meowth:** hhhhhhhh

 **jessie:** ??

 **meowth:** shit oka y s o im pretty sure one was sacrificed or something in the first years' bathroom

 **jessie:** son r u ok

 **hinaslut** **:** brother r u ok

 **meowth:** yea im fine but i just walked in there were summoning circles n salt n everything

 **meowth:** the mirror was covered in red paint

 **meowth:** i hope its red paint

 **meowth:** if i squint real hard i think it says """"its back""""

 **melty luna:** hol y shit

 **meowth:** ,,,,,,,,,

_meowth sent an image_

**melty luna:** holy _fuck_ it _do e s_ say its back im shookt

 **meowth:** as am i

 **Yuzuru:** ... Is that a pen knife

 **meowth:** up its ass? yes

 **saksuck my dick:** ,,, is that one of my Necklaces

 **meowth:** also yes

 **sakasuck my dick:** ,,, please carefully retrieve it for Me

 **meowth:** um

 **meowth:** no sorry im not risking contracting some bad shit for ur necklace pls get it urself thank you

 **an actual Dad:** PLEASE LEAVE THE BATHROOM

 **meowth:** i did and i didnt see anything theres nothing _th e r e_ as far as im concerned

 **Kanata:** i "found" one swimming with my "jellyfish", puka

 **Kanata:** he had "scuba" gear too! it was "cute"

 **Eichi:** There was one sitting in my chair in the council room as well

 **Eichi:** If sitting is the right word for it

 **Rei:** ?

 _Eichi sent an[image](https://i.imgflip.com/1x4uue.jpg)_

**Eichi:** Someone carved an actual hole in its ass just so they could imitate that photo

 **Mama:** im screaming

 **Shu:** the best one so far

 **Eichi:** There was a note tied around its waist saying "Suck my ass"

 **Kanata:** you "should" have, "puka"

 **james:** i like the guy thats doing this

 **james:** nononno i take it backbackback this guy has to be Stopped

 **salty sol:** ?? ousama are you okay

 **james:** no im not theres one spreading its legs for me under my desk whenst the fuck

_james sent an image_

**jessie:** leo darling youre screaming real loud irl i hope u realize and i hope u  s  t o p

 **james:** jhkgkjhnjfgnh

 **melty luna:** lmaooo the only thing that would willingly spread its legs for u

 **james:** lie !! sena would  <3

 **salty sol:** lie !! i would not

 **james:** why must u hurt me like this

 **james:** fr tho i show up to class on time for _once_ and this is my welcome

 **james:** im leaving

 **jessie:** leo chin p l _e a s_ e stay its been only the 3 of us here in class for the past week

 **james:** ...... fine im staying

 **james:** but im throwing the damn elf out the window

 **salty sol:** ,,, was that yeet i heard u

 **james:** believe it baby 

 **Kanata:** ,,,,,,

 **Kanata:** "sorry" i keep "forgetting" about class, nazuna

 **jessie:** its fine but please try to show up more often

 **jessie:** i wanna graduate with yall

 **Eichi:** ,,, It's not that fine actually,,,

 **Mama:** hi pls dont mention graduation i will deadass start crying in class

 **salty sol:** ew pls dont

 **salty sol:** someone change the subject before he actually starts crying

 **Keito:** .... I was about to ask which of you bastards was responsible for this bullshit, but it seems that none of you are

 **sakasuck my dick:** mr vp coming in clutch with them money making Moves

 **melty luna:** lmao how do u kno we're not responsible for it

 **hinaslut:** we could all be in on it n lying real good

 **Keito:** You're all utter crap at lying

 **salty sol:** im somehow highkey offended

 **james:** but if it was false

 **james:** i would deny it

 **Rei:** Is it

 **james:** am i denying it

 **hinaslut:** hey u cant speak for all of us senpai !!!

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** honey please take a step back

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** werent you the one that tripped all the water sprinklers in the garden last month

 **red guy:** drenching mE _miD NAp_

 **an actual Dad:** ME AS WELL !! I WAS LOOKING FOR AKEHOSHI

 **uwu:** why would he ever be in the garden???

 **an actual Dad:** WHY WOULD HE NOT??

**uwu:**

**uwu:** .. . . .. .touche i guess

 **Eichi:** I was drinking my tea and got wet too

 **Kanata:** you got "wet" when you "took over" the "school" too please shut up

 **Eichi:** _We l l_

 **sakasuck my dick:** introducing: kanata nii san as the saltwater Fish

 **hinaslut:** lolololol but how do u kno it was me

 **hinaslut:** they didnt tell the school population who did it

 **Mika's no.1 fan:**  wasnt there also a recorded video of you rigging the sprinklers and flipping the camera off

 **Eichi:** When shown that video all you said was "thats not me or yuuta lmao we're actually triplets that's our other brother,,,,, Yukata,,,,, in the music course,,,,,,,"

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** lmao yuzu chan told me what went down honey please improve your lying

 **meowth:** sometimes i thank his dumbass for being dumb and not getting me caught up in more shit than i already do

 **melty luna:** did he _actually_ say lmao in a verbal conversation

 **hinaslut:** u bet ur ass i did

 **Keito:** Wonderful. But _back_ to the task at hand

 **Keito:** Do _a_ _ny_  of you have the faintest fucking idea who's behind this

 **Eichi:** Lmao he's pissy because one was wearing his glasses on the council room bookshelf and there were stains on the lens

 **Keito:** You can dirty my name, my desk, Eichi's dumbass, the council room,

 **Keito:** But dirtying my _glasses_ is absolutely unforgivable

 **salty sol:**  you werent missing your glasses today though?

 **Keito:** I have more than two pairs of glasses what kind of animal do you take me for

 **salty sol:** w h oop s i should have known better

 **uwu:** it cant be just one person behind his right?

 **uwu:** its too high key for one guy to pull off alone

 **melty luna:** theres been 13 so far and im betting leo's ass theres more we havent found

 **hinaslut:** tru lmao for something of this scale we normally have about 4 people in on it

 **Keito:** "We"

 **meowth:** again, i get dragged in too

 **jessie:** i unrepentantly let myself get dragged in

 **james:** as do i

 **jessie:** fr tho this time we have 0 idea who done it

 **melty luna:** lmao _@Keito_ we'll get back to u once we have a suspect !!!

 **hinaslut:** not if we join them

 **jessie:** ditto

 **meowth:** same

 **james:** lmaoooo why would i turn them in when i can join this shitpost of a prank

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** rt

**Keito:**

**Eichi:** Just so you guys know, he sighed so loud Sagami sensei actually walked in and asked what's wrong when normally he'd turn and walk the other way

 **an actual Dad:** DO YOU ALL THINK THERE'S ONE IN THE TEACHER'S ROOM?

 **sakasuck my dick:** if there is im lighting my own ass on fire in my next live bc this person is Legendary

 **Eichi:** There is.

 **Eichi:** I'm looking forward to your next live, Sakasaki kun :)

 **sakasuck my dick:** i changed my mind im lighting _your_ ass on Fire, Instead

 **Eichi:** My ass is already sizzling there's not much you can do to make it hotter than it is :)

 **sakasuck my dick:** u wanna fucking Bet

 **jessie:** yo hold the f uck ign phone

 **jessie:** wym by "There is."

 **Eichi:** I mean that there is one elf in the teacher's room

 **Eichi:** Sagami sensei actually came over to talk to us about it lmao he says Akiomi's a _little_  pissed

 **james:** yikes time 2 die

 **Eichi:** It's a lot more innocent though so we're still in the clear for now

 **Eichi:** It was just sitting on Akiomi's desk, holding a photo of Sagami sensei and a note saying "Hug me"

 **uwu:** thats... adorable actually why would he be mad

 **Eichi:** That's precisely why he's not flipping his shit at us lmao he thought it was just Sagami sensei being romantic in a weirdass way

 **Eichi:** Sagami sensei: "He was blushing so much I thought he'd pop, which was kinda cute, but I saw the one outside the lecture hall so please find the rest + the culprit before Aki finds out what's really going on  

 **hinaslut:** hah gay

 **Yuzuru:** They are gay though?

 **hinaslut:** ok so am i but w _hat_

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** theyve been dating for years honey

 **hinaslut:** and i didnt _notice_???

 **meowth:** given how dense u are im not surprised

 **melty luna:** lmao yea poor tetora

 **melty luna:** wa i t i mean _uh_

 **hinaslut:** tetora?????

 **hinaslut:** what about tetora??????????

 **hinaslut:** om g is he gay too how did i not notice

 **melty luna:** ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 **melty luna:** yea uh so Keito we'll get back to u soon i guess

 **Keito:** Please do

 **Keito:** And please don't join forces with the fucker

 **melty luna:** ,,,, :)

* * *

 

 **Mama:** ... not that its not a good song, but hearing garasu no hanazono being blasted from sena house sends me to an alternate reality 

 **salty sol:** oh fuck u heard

 **james:** fun fact: that was the instrumental version!!

 **salty sol:** st o p

 **Mama:** ??? then who tf was singing

 **salty sol:** ousama no

 **james:** ousama yes

 **james:** it was

 **salty sol:** ousama i swear to god

 **meowth:** arent u atheist

 **james:** a

 **salty sol:** i swear to yazawa nico and rompers for men ousama if _you dont shut up_

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** it was a sena/suo duet

 **salty sol:** naru why the _fuck_

 **Mika's no.1 fan:**  payback for my ""romantic exploits"" being exposed

 **meowth:** ohhhhmygod

 **Mama:** im,,,,,, shookt

 **red guy:** they did the choreography from their 2014 endless parade live i think

 **red guy:** the one w the gayass hair stroke u kno the one

 **Mama:** ??????????? _???????????????_

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** kasa was such a prince as eli i swooned a lil bit

 **meowth:** izumi senpai as nozomi fits bc theyre both fucking gay

 **salty sol:** thats.. . . .  true

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** also the entire reason why he volunteered to sing nozomom's part

 **james:** didnt i tell yall hes a sucker for shoujo anime

 **james:** that includes fictional female idols

 **salty sol:** i have an image to uphold why do you all insist on doing this to me

 **hinaslut:** wait if youre gay how r u into female idols?????

 **salty sol:** i may be gay but that doesnt mean i cant appreciate good singing and a cuteass concept

 **hinaslut:** cant argue with that

 **james:** what happened to maintaining ur image

 **salty sol:** if im out then im out all the way with no shame nor regret

 **hinaslut:** my new philosophy for life

 **melty luna:** amen

 **jessie:** best girl ??

 **salty sol:** hanayo

 **jessie:** ?? unexpected i was thinking umi or something

 **james:** we were made to be bc mine's rin !!!

 **salty sol:**  uh sure jan

 **jessie:** why pana tho?? 

 **salty sol:** hanayo is the most precious being

 **melty luna:** u said the same thing about makoto

 **salty sol:** shes almost the most precious being

 **Mama:** i actually prefer cgss lmao the gameplay is better

 **salty sol:** what was that? css? you prefer to code your own games? thats amazing congrats

**Mama:**

**jessie:** that was

 **hinaslut:** cr _us_ h _in_ g

 **salty sol:** llsif stands at the top anyone that disagrees can meet me in the fucking pit

 **salty sol:** l ike

 **salty sol:** have you even _heard_  the music??? i teared up when i heard snow halation for the first time

 **red guy:** he dragged the whole unit out to watch the first movie with him when it first aired

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** twice

 **jessie:** yall watched it. twice

 **salty sol:** yes because i wanted to fully appreciate the movie to the best of my ability nazunyan dont Judge me

 **jessie:** i didnt say shit

 **salty sol:**   i can fucking _feel_ the stare youre giving me from your class

 **jessie:** ,,,,,

 **Kanata:** hes not "wrong" though?

 **jessie:** kanata i appreciate u coming to class but please dont expose me like this

 **an actual Dad:** !!!!! I ENJOY PLAYING THE GAME ITS VERY FUN

 **Kanata:** even though he "sucks" at it

 **an actual Dad:** I PLAY IT FOR FUN KANATA NOT FOR THE SCORE OR THE RANKING

 **Kanata:** says the "one" who cried a "bit" because he couldnt "rank" for gothic dress ruby

 **an actual Dad:** IT WAS SUCH A GOOD PURE CARD WHO _WOULDNT_ CRY

 **salty sol:** ,,, im astounded isnt ranking pretty easy

 **salty sol:** unlike a certain  _other_ game i wont mention 

 **an actual Dad:** ???????

 **an actual Dad:** NO ITS NOT I TRIED MY VERY BEST :(

 **salty sol:** yet you didnt succeed what the hell

 **Kanata:** dont "touch" this subject, izumi

 **Kanata:** hes still "sad"

 **an actual Dad:** I AM

**salty sol:**

**salty sol:** uh ok so anyway

 **salty sol:** play llsif

 **Mama:** ,,, play cgss

 **salty sol:** b _itch?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if yall have ideas for anything else just,,, comment ig its always nice hearing from yall
> 
> ALSO i tried changing the formatting a little bit bc i felt like the prev few chapters were kinda hard to read??? idk im not the best w aesthetics so uh yea yell @ me if its better/worse
> 
> edit: I FINALLY EDITED THEM IM,,,, SO SORRY FOR THE ABSOLUTE M E S S ITS BEEN


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ,,,, long time no see
> 
> am tired and death craving pls accept this
> 
> a key of sorts:  
> salty sol: izumi  
> melty luna: anzu  
> meowth: yuuta  
> sakasuck my dick: natsume  
> james: leo  
> Mika's no.1 fan: naru  
> uwu: hokke  
> mama: madara  
> jessie: nazunyan  
> red guy: ritsu  
> hinaslut: hinata  
> an actual Dad: chiaki  
> everyone else: themselves

**Keito:** I can't believe I have to do this _again_

 **Keito:** But since it's generally safe to assume at least _one_ of you assholes are involved

 **Keito:** What the fuck was that crash

 **james** : um

 **Keito** : It sounded like glass _what_ in the flying fuck did you break

 **red guy** : *raises hand*

 **james** : no

 **red guy:** *sadly lowers hand*

 **Keito** : Let the red man speak

 **Keito** : What did he do

 **james** : nothing

 **red guy** : reenacted the coffee cup scene in b99

 **Keito** : The fuck is that

 **james** : dammit rittsu

 **red guy** : """if i leap at naru they'll catch me"""

 **red guy:** """no wait im holding coffee"""

 **james** : no evidence so it didnt happen

 **sakasuck my dick:** Bet

 

_sakasuck my dick sent a video (2:09)_

 

 **james** : what have i done to u to deserve this

 **sakasuck my dick** : nothing im just always down for Betrayal

 **red guy** : lmao he was walking by while you were waiting for naru to appear

 **red guy** : i told him to record bc i didnt have my phone with me

 **james** : but ritz cracker i trusted u

 **red guy** : a grave mistake on your part ousama i'd sell u out for a 10 minute nap

 **james** : what a rude fucker imma whoop ur ass

 

_james renamed the chat to betray all ur friends. just do it_

 

 **Keito** : That's my line Tsukinaga

 **Keito** : Did you clean up the glass 

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** im not done cleaning yet bc someone left it to _me_ and disappeared

 **Mika's no.1 fan** : also made _me_ get more coffee since i broke the mugs and spilled it all over the floor

 **sakasuck my dick** : what kinda king Smh

 **james** : thats why youre my favourite, naru !!!

 **Mika's no.1 fan** : flattery will get you nowhere ousama you owe me for cleaning this up by my _self_

 **Keito:** Is the mess contained within Sena house at least

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** yea it is mr vp

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** mr worldwide

 **Keito** : No.

 **Keito** : The spot of "Mr. Worldwide" has been taken and can never be removed from him he deserves it

 **salty sol** : wait when the hell did calling our practice studio "sena house" catch on tf

 **Keito** : ,,,I didn't realise I said Sena house

 **red guy** : to be fair most people dont realise either it just happens

 **salty sol:** you mean the whole school calls it that

 **salty sol:**  why t f

 **sakasuck my dick:** its kinda cute Tbh

 **salty sol:** again, wh y

 **melty luna** : lmao it _might_ have started with me + leo

 **james** : very true

 **james** : a little bit of nazu's fault too

 **jessie** : also very true

 **salty sol:** what the fuck

 **salty sol:** explain

 **melty luna** : uh

 **melty luna** : i dont think you were in school on the day?

 **james** : he wasnt !!!

 **james** : but basically we wanted to have a little get-together in sena house

 **james** : since both you and suo werent there to be wet blankets and try to stop us

 **salty sol:** since when have i been able to stop u from doing whatever

 **red guy** : we wanted to get shitfaced

**salty sol:**

**Keito** : Couldn't you do that off-campus

 **red guy** : where's the fun in that

 **salty sol:** naru why didnt you stop him

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** they invited mika

 **sakasuck my dick:** lmao Whipped™

 **Mika's no.1 fan** : i wasnt passing up a chance to see drunk mika

 **salty sol:** ,,, continue

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** so like we needed a codename for the party invite because ~~redacted~~ decided that bringing ~~redacted~~ onto school grounds for a bunch of minors was a smart idea

 **melty luna:** the ""invite"" was just an announcement over the pa system

 **jessie:** "those who wanna get smashed we're having a gathering in knights' practice studio aka sena house tonight be there or be square lmaooooo"

 **salty sol:** and nobody said a word

 **jessie:** i have my ways of cutting off certain announcements from certain areas

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** sneaky sneaky i lik e 

 **Eichi** : Narukami why did you see the need to redact yourself honestly that's so extra

 **Mika's no.1 fan** : because this chat is hiding a bunch of snakes

 **Eichi:**  I,, have to agree

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** im trying not to type anything that can be screenshot and reported

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** my pretty face isnt meant to be seen in detention

 **Eichi** : I wouldn't give you guys detention though that's like cutting out my daytime television hours

**Mika's no.1 fan:**

**Mika's no.1 fan:** well im glad u kno at least that youre no.1 snek

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** but i was referring to the council people in general being fuckign snitches

 **Yuzuru** : Is this because of that time I told Sensei you were filming a makeup tutorial in class

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** it most definitely is

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** also im still salty as hell over that small pink menace that drank all the sprite in the sena house mini-fridge _right in front of me_ and called me a bitch

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** then told tsukasa chan that  _i_ drank it??? 

 **Mika's no.1 fan** : honestly why are yall like this

 **Keito** : This is the first time I'm going to have to agree with anyone in this shithole

 **Keito** : The only one even remotely helpful is Fushimi but he's not even on the council

 **Yuzuru** : I have no interest in officially joining the student council I like my meager amount of freedom thank you

 **Eichi** : Hey what about me? :(

 **Eichi** : I help out a lot too !

 **Keito** : You are without a doubt the most useless one of them all

 **Keito** : Your health is worse than those level 5 ratatta you meet out on route 10 _and yet_ you insist on doing things beyond what your health allows you to

 **Eichi** : :"(

 **Keito** : Yes you do help in the council I will admit to that but you sacrificing your health worries me enough that it just adds to my stress load

 **Keito** : Your health comes first and foremost and watching you strain yourself to accomplish your goals annoys me to no end

 **Keito** : Take better care of yourself you absolute ass

 **Eichi** :

 **Eichi** : I'm gonna,, go lie down a minute brb

 **red guy:** hhsjshdjsh i wasnt expecting that i had flashbacks to quarrelfes hol y shit

 **Mika's no.1 fan:**  hella

 **Keito** : So anyway

 **Keito** : What was that about council people being snakes

 **red guy:** oH YA not all council ppl are snakes nacchan dont be mean

 **Eichi** : Is he here to defend our name?

 **red guy** : ew no ecchan

 **red guy:** theyre all mostly correct lmao im only defending maa kun here

 **red guy:** my darling isnt a snake and yall best remember it

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** debatable

 **red guy:** ex _cuse me_

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** the only people he isnt a snek is with u and the first years

 **Fushimi** : Seconded

 **Fushimi** : With the rest of us, he seems very,,,, suspect

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** not the kind of person u'd spill the tea to

 **red guy** : i hope yall are ready for a duel to the death for slandering the name of my wonderful maa kun

 **Eichi** : They aren't wrong though

 **red guy** : ecchan step the fuck off or i _will_ pummel ur ass with your own fancy tea

 **Eichi** : His "snake" qualities likely come from his need to fix whatever problems there are

 **Eichi:** Be it his own or other peoples'

 **james:** hey lets ask him

 **red guy** : not the best idea?? he'll just leave

 

_james added Mao to betray all ur friends. just do it_

**Mao:**

 

_Mao has left the chat_

**james:** hAKSDHKAJSHD

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** no nothing not even a word im in catatonic sh o  c k

 **red guy:**  nothing but respect for _my_ husbando  <333

* * *

 

 **james** : guys i

 **james** : im tearing up rn

 **james** : someone come online and ask me w hy

 **red guy** : ousama its 2.30 am on a school night pls go to bed and let me watch my titty anime in peace

 **james** : ,,,titty anime??

 **red guy** : monster musume

 **james** : arent you gay

 **red guy:** bi but im watching this exclusively for the irony and shitty references to use on maa kun

 **red guy:** """ _I'm so jealous I could just moult!!!!"""_

 **james:** ,,,,..., ok uh sure? but

 **james** : im fr tearing up

**red guy:**

**james** :

 **james** : :(

 **red guy** : sigh

 **red guy:** why are you tearing up ousama

 **james** : im glad u asked titsu

 **red guy:** ,,,, am i titsu now

 **james** : mostly bc of ur winter live 3* yes but the titty anime is also one of the reasons why

 **james** : tits out for isara i see

 **red guy:** my tits will always be out for maa kun

 

_red guy changed their own name to titsu_

 

 **james** : relatable but with me @ sena <3

 **james** : sena when you see this just kno that all u gotta do is say the word n my tits (and more) will be _out_

 **titsu** : gross

 **james** : anyway

 **james** : i really love confession executive commitee my kids are precious and good

 **titsu** : ousama are u really crying over h _oneyworks_

 **meowth** : I HEAR CEC IM HERE FOR IT 100000000%

 **Yuzuru** : ,,,, I got drawn here by honeyworks as well

 **james** : i knew i had allies here

 **Yuzuru** : honeyworks has good songs I trust you'll find cec allies anywhere honestly

 **james** : !!! <3

 **tisu** : amazing im going back to my titty anime

 **james** : u go do that

 **james** : so like

 **james** : ive been listening to all the videos n everything n sobbing a lil bit (a lot)

 **james** : i just want my kids to be happy omg who cares who they end up with :(

 **meowth** : what a mood homyhgmh they all deserve their happy endings im not ok a y

 **Yuzuru** : I feel the same

 **Yuzuru** : These kids deserve to feel happy and loved

 **Yuzuru** : I need to see it before I die

 **james** : s a m e

 **Kanata** : "nerds"

 **james** : not incorrect but shinkai needs to shhhh

 **meowth** : tbh honestly everytime someone i recognize shows up i yell a little bit

 **james** : same

 **Yuzuru** : same

 **Kanata** : arent they "all" in the same "universe" though?

 **meowth** : hshsjhd i k n ow that senpai but its just

 **meowth** : theyre all so good so pure??

 **meowth** : even the side characters mostly get their spotlight i love it

 **Yuzuru** : The idol boys are a treasure

 **james** : omg their songs r such a bop i love them

 **meowth: !!!** i live and die for lipxlip

 **meowth** : but as much as i love them and their little triangle thing with narumi her story w hamanaka is too precious

 **james** : mochita's a good boy i love him

 **Yuzuru** : Need me a freak like koyuki

 **james** : d ONt talk to me about koyuki i love him with my whole life he deserves the wor l d

 **james** : he seems like the type to dote on u n like. drop everything just for u hnhngnhgn ill take like 10 of him

 **Yuzuru** : ...

 **Kanata** : ...,,,,,

 **titsu** : ,,,,,, weeeeeeell if u asked secchan

 **Kanata** : he'd "probably"

 **meowth** : drop everything for u

 **james** : no he wont

 **james** : hed whack me n say what ridiculous things r u watchign in the asscrack of night again

 **Yuzuru** : ,,, I guess that's not incor _rect_ ,,,

 **james** : kjhsdkjahsd

 **meowth** : ok ya but like

 **meowth** : i feel like he'd do that then turn up the next day holding a small bouquet for u n like a full course michelin level bento just for u

 **Kanata** : he "definitely" would

 **titsu** : secchan's a mega tsun hed definitely do it

 **james** : ,,,,really

 **Yuzuru** : It can't hurt to ask him

 **james** :

 **james** : !! tru !!!

 **james** : seeenaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 **james** : could u make a bento for me too ??? i want a heart shape in mine !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **james** : <3333

 **meowth** : ,,,,,, all the best sena senpai

* * *

 

 **salty sol:** ousama what the fuck honestly

 **salty sol** : why are u like this

 **salty sol:** soooo annoying

 **jessie** : he says, like he didnt show up to class 3b this morning, arms full of bento, a picnic mat and what smells like really high class tea,

 **jessie** : whisking leo chin off to some secret hiding spot for a picnic date, much to the confusion and awe of the rest of us Single and Lonely 3b pringles

 **jessie** : except maybe like, wataru,, but thats a whole different issue altogether

 **salty sol:** _@james_ i take it back nazunyan's the most annoying gremlin to walk this earth

 **jessie** : call me a gremlin again bitch and ill throttle u

 **salty** **sol** :

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** izumi chan no

 **salty sol** : im gonna say it

 **jessie** : ?????? whatever it is say it bitch i double fucking dare you

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** _izumi chan n o_

 **salty sol:** lmao can u even reach my neck

 **jessie** :

 **melty luna** : i hear the sound of tiny feet running

 **melty luna:** nazunii was in the broadcasting room right

 **Shu** : izumi sent that text and wisely left the classroom

 **jessie:** get back here u dick licking slut and ill show u how i can just reach up and snap your long ass neck

 **salty sol:**  hey lay off the proportions ass my neck is a normal and proportionate length relative to the rest of my body

 **jessie** : it wont b when im thru w u bi t c h

 **Mama** : the l o _o k_ on keito's face when he saw sena speed walking out of class was priceless and i shouldve taken a photo

 **melty luna:** he didnt stop him?? im shookt what has the world come to

 **Keito** : I didn't stop him because he fully deserves what's coming to him

 **Keito** : Nazuna's height is a sensitive topic and I've learned my lesson from 2nd year

 **Keito** : I really thought you did too but apparently your dumbass did not

 **salty sol:** thanks

 **salty sol:** fuck i made a mistake

 **jessie** : glad you realise you wHORE now get back here n lemme mess up ur pretty little idol image in front of mako chin

 **meowth** : context: nazuna senpai has a spray bottle now and is holding makoto senpai hostage

 **hinaslut** : this is actually really funny bc he looks terrified out of his mind but nazuna senpai looks like hes ready to go to nuclear war w only a spray bottle of water

 **salty sol:** i may love yuu kun but,, my hair

 **hinaslut:** priorities. nice

 **jessie:** im gonna pour on mako chin's school uniform and youre gonna  _miss seeing it_

 **salty sol:** what kind of  _dirty cheap tactics_

 

_jessie sent an image_

 

 **salty sol:** _f UC K_

 **jessie:** (･ω<)☆

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haskdjhs i made the chapter a bit longer bc its been a while lmaooo
> 
> also i just realized it really knights centred?? my internal rage @ happyele for killing rabitsp and knightsp (and ryuuseitaip too) all within like. 3 ? months
> 
> bakkyun keito is precious and adonis is a good boy as usual,, good luck to yall for the vday event lololololol
> 
> edit: fUCKFUCKFUVK NATSUME'S THE BEST ONE YET HIS JEWEL CANDY SCOUT. SO GOOD. I LOVE IT. HE CAN BE A T MY ASS INTO SUBMISSION ANYTIME. HOLY HE L L IM DECEASE D HE CAN STEP. ON. ME


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it long(ish)
> 
> ft proud parents ritsumao
> 
> a key of sorts:  
> salty sol: izumi  
> melty luna: anzu  
> meowth: yuuta  
> sakasuck my dick: natsume  
> james: leo  
> Mika's no.1 fan: naru  
> uwu: hokke  
> mama: madara  
> jessie: nazunyan  
> red guy: ritsu  
> hinaslut: hinata  
> an actual Dad: chiaki  
> everyone else: themselves

_titsu added Mao to bteray all ur friends. just do it_

 

 **titsu:** maa kuuuuuuuun please staaaaaaay

 **Mao:** Ugh

 **Mao** : I dont want to be a part of whatever _this_ is

 **titsu** : not even for me? ( ﾟ，_ゝ｀)

 **Mao** : Uuugh

 **melty luna** : please stay I can't be the only responsible one here

 **Mao** : Uuuuuuuuugh

 **titsu** : anzu? responsible? only in your work ethic honey

 **melty luna** : dont call me out like this

 **Mao** : Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh

 **Mao** : Fine

 **Mao** : I'll only reply if there's no lessons

 **melty luna** : but our most riveting conversations happen during class

 **jessie** : u gotta b present and Ready to Contribute

 **Mao** : I won't reply no matter what !!

 **titsu** : u reply my sexts tho?

 **Mao** : rITSU WHA TH THE HEKCI

 **Mika's no.1 fan** : r i ts u  i sit r ig ht n ex t to yo u

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** what th e f u c k

 **james** : that right there, thats my goal and aspiration

 **Keito** :

 **Rei** :

 

_Keito has left the chat_

 

_Rei has left the chat_

 

 **titsu** : amen

 **jessie** : 2 birds with one stone ive been blessed on this day

 **titsu** : lmao dont forget im sharing a house with that dead thing

 **titsu** : there was this mega loud sound from his room n im really glad i habitually lock my door bc he came a'knocking

 

_titsu sent a video (0:56)_

**hinaslut** : thats the loudest ive ever heard him yell

 **meowth** : ,,, the door is r a ttling,,,,,,

 **titsu** : it is

 **titsu** : its great

 **sakasuck my dick:** i love how confident u sound over text but the video is obviously shot from outside ur Window

 **Mao** : You're wHERE

 **jessie** : livin life on the edge

 **titsu** : lmao yeah im on the tree between our rooms and i cant get down so maa kun if u could let me in thru ur window thatd b gr8

 **Mao** : You're impossible what the heck

 **jessie** : is this what its like to have childhood friends

 **Mao** : Probably not

 **titsu** : yup and i love it !!!!

 **melty luna:** ive always wanted one

 **Mao** : He's shown up so many times in the middle of the night over the most ridiculous things

 **titsu** : why yell at u tomorrow when i can yell at u now

 **melty luna** : arent yall actually in the same room rn why are yall texting

 **Mao** : It's a more efficient way to communicate

 **titsu** : i text faster than i talk lmaooo

 **Mama** : hi @ anzu once again _im_ your childhood friend

 **melty luna** : ,,,,,

 **melty luna** : ok that may be true but like

 **melty luna:** i dont remember?

 **Mama** : (╯︵╰,)

 **Mao** : How rude Anzu

 **titsu** : smh anzu im disappoint

 **jessie** : the Disrespect.

 **melty luna** : ,,,,, maybe one day i will

 **Mama** : !! (b ᵔ▽ᵔ)b

 **Shu** : the older Sakuma wants to be added back

 **Shu** : to, i quote, "set things straight(er)"

 **Shu** : can he

 **titsu** : no

 **Mao** : No !!

 **Mao** : Hasumi senpai asked too and I straight up said no so you have to say no too

 **melty luna** : dubiously savage

 **titsu** : its really not

 **Shu** : k i'll tell him

 **Mika's no.1 fan** : okay wait before yall start considering adding them back fr

 **Mika's no.1 fan** : i just gotta kno

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** do yall really sext in class

 **titsu** : ya

 **Mao:** No!!

 **Mao** : R ITSU

 **Mika's no.1 fan** : mildly alarming but this is my new goal for when i finally  get some with mika

 **Shu** : not if i can help it

 **Shu** : don't taint my doll

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** irrelevant. anyone else have anything valid to say

 **jessie** : filthy !! all of you !!!!!

 **james** : u say this as tho u arent thirsty as fuck for a certain someone(s)

 **jessie** : leO STEP THE FUCK O F F

 **Mao** : Oya

 **Mika's no.1 fan** : oya oya

 **titsu** : oya oya oya

 **jessie** : p e r i s h

 **Shu** : oh my god wh o

 **jessie** : none of your business !!!

 **Shu** : tsukinaga who is it t e l l m e

 **jessie** : drop it ho

 **jessie** : leo chin u best not say another word

 **james** : |･ω･)

 **sakasuck my dick:** ive been summoned by the potential for Betrayal

 **sakasuck my dick:** _someones_ is plural how Interesting

 **jessie** : thanks for confirming you still understand basic language

 **sakasuck my dick:**  i didnt know you were poly is All

 **Mao** : Can I guess who they are

 **sakasuck my dick:** i honestly cant think of anyone you'd want to Bang

 **titsu** : i feel like it's be really obvious tbh

 **jessie** : no

 **jessie** : drop this

 **jessie** : right the fuck now

 **an actual Dad** : BUT I WANT TO KNOW WHO

 **an actual Dad** : IVE BEEN DOING MY BEST TO KEEP SILENT SO I WOULDNT INTERRUPT YOU

 **Kanata** : you did your "best", chiaki

 **an actual Dad:** THANK YOU KANATA !!!

 **Kanata** : could you "please" tell us?

 **jessie** : too bad bitches

 **jessie** : yall will never know

 **jessie** : leo if you spill the tea im spilling your blood

 **salty sol** : dont threaten leo what the hell

 **salty sol** : touch him and youre dead to me

 **jessie** : you'll be physically dead slut

 **jessie** : i can take your headass in a fight and _win_ dont pretend i cant or wont

 **jessie** : so drop

 **jessie** : it

 **melty luna:** terrifying

 **Mika's no.1 fan** : im quaking in my gucci slides

 **sakasuck my dick** : my blood pressure did the Dropp

 **Kanata** : my "fish" died of shock

 **salty sol:** sorry ousama looks like youre gonna have to take one for the team and die

 **james** : ,,,

_james changed jessie to roly poly_

 

 **roly poly** : mOTHERFUCKER

 

_roly poly changed james to its hip to fuck bees_

**its hip to fuck bees** : jokes on u ive been planning on changing my user to a meme

 **meowth** : does this mean i have to change mine too

 **its hip to fuck bees** : go ahead son

 **its hip to fuck bees:**  evolve

 

_meowth changed their own name to mew_

**its hip to fuck bees** : thats

 **sakasuck my dick:** not what it evolves To

 **sakasuck my dick:** my pokemon nerd heart is Hurting

 **mew** : ya but like

 **mew** : mew good

 **mew** : smol n cute like me

 **hinaslut** : ~~furry fucker~~

 **mew** : hey _@roly poly_  i found someone else for u to murder

 **roly poly** : my services come with a price

 **mew** : name it

 **poly loli:** get me some,,,, D

 **mew** : dm the name(s) and preferred time, day, location and ill have it set up asap

 **roly poly** : mmm sweet ill have my end done by the end of the week

 **mew** : gr8 just dont murder him at my home or 2wink's practice studio bc the smell might stick

 **hinaslut** :

 **hinaslut** : im shookenedethedt

 **mew** : deserved

 **roly poly** : get your ass fuckign ready cherry boy

* * *

 

 **hinaslut** : so ive been thinking

 **Mao** : Thats dangerous

 **hinaslut** : shhh

 **hinaslut** : theres only me + yuuta here

 **hinaslut** : dont yall think its time to bring in more young people

 **mew** : ,,, this sounds dubious as fuck

 **titsu** : it do but im all for it

 **mew** : im not

 **Mao** : Neither am I tbh?

 **hinaslut** : nono hear me out

 **hinaslut** : the author doesnt really know what to do anymore

 **titsu** : well in that case

 **titsu** : i say we give it a try

 **Mao:** ,, Yeah why the hell not

 **mew** : bc hes a huge dick

 **mew** : this whole thing seems very suspect tf are u planning

 **hinaslut** : how dare you accuse me, your role model older brother, of suspicious activity

 **mew** : your entire being is suspect

 **titsu** : seconded

 **mew** : thnak

 **titsu** : but

 **mew** : no!!!

 **titsu** : lmao hinata just do it how bad can it be

 **Mao:** ,,,,,,,

 **hinaslut:** (≖ ͜ʖ≖)

 **mew:** f u Ck

 

_hinaslut added Shinobu to betray all ur friends. just do it_

**mew:** im going to have a strokke

 **Shinobu** : Oh no !! What's wrong, de gozaru?

 **Shinobu:** Should I call for an ambulance, de gozaru??

 **mew** : hdhsdfsjfn

 **hinaslut** : hes fine sengoku hes just being a big baby

 **mew:** betrayal is something i take very seriously

 **sakasuck my dick** : as do I

 **sakasuck my dick:** welcome to the pit, Bitch

 **Shinobu** : Thank you very much, de gozaru!!!!!

 **Mao** : Dont swear at the child Natsume !!

 **sakasuck my dick:** i do what i Want

 **Mao** : >:(

 **Shinobu** : It's okay Isara dono!

 **Mao** : They're all bad influences this was a bad decision

 **titsu** : thats a lie we'll be the best parents

 **Shinobu** : I am glad to be here either way Isara dono!!

 **mew** : a good pure child

 **Shinobu** : Ah, Yuuta kun is that you?

 **mew** : hrdkfjd how do you know

 **mew** : i could be nazuna

 **Shinobu** : Haha, you called me a good pure child before, de gozaru!

 **Shinobu:** I am honored to be called something like that by you, de gozaru !!!!!

**mew:**

**Shinobu:** ?

 **hinaslut** : rip yuuta

 **titsu:** yuuta is dead

 **Mao:** He lived a good life

 **Shinobu:** ????

 **Shinobu:** Am I missing something?

 **mew** : nono its fine im alive and breathing the bare minimum needed for life

 **mew:** so anyway

 **mew:** are you free next week !! i wanna go try the new parfait place downtown

 **Shinobu:** I will have to check, but I probably can de gozaru!!

 **titsu:** (≖ ͜ʖ≖)

 **Mao** : (≖ ͜ʖ≖)

 **hinaslut:** (≖ ͜ʖ≖)

 **Shu:** (≖ ͜ʖ≖)

 **uwu:** (≖ ͜ʖ≖)

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** (≖ ͜ʖ≖)

 **melty luna:** (≖ ͜ʖ≖)

 **roly poly:** (≖ ͜ʖ≖)

 **Kanata:** (≖ ͜ʖ≖)

 **sakasuck** **my dick:** (≖ ͜ʖ≖)

 **its** **hip to fuck bees** : (≖ ͜ʖ≖)

 **Mama:** (≖ ͜ʖ≖)

 **mew** : and the lurkers come into light

 **Mama:** we didnt wanna interrupt such a poignant moment

 **Shinobu** : I do not really understand, but hello !!

 **roly poly** : shinobun you sweet child hello

 **Shinobu** : Nito dono?

 **poly loli:** the one and only

 **Shinobu:** How cool! Should I change my username as well??

 **Kanata:** do whatever feels "best", shinobu~

 **Shinobu** : Thank you for the advice, Shinkai dono!!

 **Shinobu** : Hmmmm

 

_Shinobu changed their own name to naruto kin_

**naruto kin:** How's this?

  
**Mika's no.1 fan:** WHATEVER I WAS EXPECTING IT SURE AS HELL WASNT THAT

 **poly loli** : im wh e e zin g

 **mew** : nice

 **naruto kin:** Thank you Yuuta kun !!

 **naruto kin** : Also I am available next week, on Feb 14th !! Is that alright with you?

 **mew:** jhbsmdfd

 **mew** : ya sure see you then

 **titsu:** (≖ ͜ʖ≖)(≖ ͜ʖ≖)(≖ ͜ʖ≖)

 **mew** : pls dont start again i really will choke

 **naruto kin** : Great, see you then Yuuta kun !! I enjoy spending time with you, de gozaru !!!!!

 **mew** : gr 8

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** im tearing up i feel like a proud parent

 **naruto kin:** Hey, maybe we should ask the rest of 1B de gozaru! I'm sure they would like to spend more time with us as well de gozaru!!

 **mew** :

 **mew** : ya s u r e i dont min d

 **naruto kin:** Okay!! I'll go ask them !!!

 **Mao** : Oh my godhjsdf

 **Mika's no.1 fan:** rest in pieces yuuta honey

 **titsu** : when you try your best but you dont succeed

 **sakasuck my dick** : when you get what you want but not whta you Need

 **mew** : order my casket asap and bury me with a shinobu omanjuu 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 0 editing, my eyes r half closed, my work is 76% not done, posted at 4:18 in the am,
> 
> its been a while hsjsjdhs i really have no excuse
> 
> also pls comment !! if yall have any ideas on how i can improve/ inspiration pls thanks id appreciate it sm


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a key of sorts:  
> salty sol: izumi  
> melty luna: anzu  
> mew: yuuta  
> sakasuck my dick: natsume  
> its hip to fuck bees: leo  
> Mika's no.1 fan: naru  
> uwu: hokke  
> mama: madara  
> roly poly: nazunyan  
> red guy: ritsu  
> hinaslut: hinata  
> an actual Dad: chiaki  
> everyone else: themselves

Mama: so any particular reason koga’s wearing dog ears now or

titsu: lost a bet

Mama: ?

titsu: that i couldnt fit a whole lemon in my mouth

Mama: ah

Mao: you _what_

titsu: fit a whole lemon in my mouth

Mika's no.1 fan: it was kinda gross tbh like he just looked koga dead in the eye and kinda pushed it in there

Mama: how did he

Mama: get it out

Mika's no.1 fan: ,,,

titsu: chewing n swallowing babe it’s called eating

Mao: _ritsu that was a_ _lemon_

Mama: ?? the rind??

Mika's no.1 fan: _e v ery t h i n g_

Mama: thats

Mama: disgusting

Mika's no.1 fan: right?????

hinaslut: its lowkey impressive tbh

Mika's no.1 fan: darling you thought tetora shoving his fist in his mouth was impressive

hinaslut: it is, and i was _Very_ turned on by it

Mika's no.1 fan:

Mika's no.1 fan: okay,

Mama: i can imagine there’s nicer things to put in your mouth

hinaslut: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

titsu: yall reek of jealousy just admit yall wanna be able to fit somethin big in yalls face holes too

Mika's no.1 fan: ritsu, sweetheart, pl e  a se stop calling it your face hole

titsu: why not

titsu: its a hole in my face

titsu: my face hole

titsu: no need for fancy names

Mao: oh my go d ritsu

titsu: bet u have a fancy name for your asshole too huh

titsu: bet u call it your “”””anus”””””

titsu: like a little bitch

Mao: _r i t s u_

Mika's no.1 fan: ritsu i love you but call me a little bitch again and your kotatsu _will_ be removed from the studio

titsu:  

titsu: well

Mama: amazing

Mao: arashi youre my new idol teach me how. to manage him

Mika's no.1 fan: mao honey youre too sweet on him for threats

titsu: yes dont teach maa kun anyt h i ng you witch

Mika's no.1 fan:

Mika's no.1 fan: the kotatsu, the coffin, that really nice nap spot in the garden, or, in extreme cases, threaten yourself because he would 110% absolutely perish without you

titsu: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh nacchaaaaaaaaaaaan

salty sol: this is so sad alexa play ironic blue

Mika's no.1 fan: HJKHSDJHSD IZUMI CHAN

Mika's no.1 fan: im impressed you know anything about pop culture honestly i didnt think you knew what memes even are

an actual Dad: WOULD BE A LOT MORE IMPRESSIVE IF I DIDNT JUST SEE HIM SEARCH FOR REACTION MEMES ON TWITTER AND USE THE FIRST ONE THAT SEEMED APPROPRIATE

salty sol: cHIAKI YOU DAMN SNITCH GET THE FUCK O U T

an actual Dad: OF MY OWN CLASSROOM? I DONT THINK SO 

Mika's no.1 fan: aww he _searched_ for reaction memes to use what a nerd  

salty sol: dont call me a nerd

Mika's no.1 fan: n

Mika's no.1 fan: e

salty sol: sto p

Mika's no.1 fan: r

Mika's no.1 fan: d

salty sol: fuck off

Mika's no.1 fan: ♡

salty sol: im not the nerd who named their cat nyaruko

Mika's no.1 fan: a beautiful name for a beautiful cat

Mika's no.1 fan: also im not the one who imprinted on a poor unsuspecting first year just because his first name starts w the same syllable as a Certain Someone

salty sol: uncalled for

titsu: its completely called for and u know it

mew: hjhdjdsdk i lowkey agree

salty sol: not you too fucking hecK

its hip to fuck bees: IS THIS SENA EXPOSURE ARE WE FINALLY CALLING HIM OUT

its hip to fuck bees: ITS MY TIME TO SHINE

salty sol: oUSAMA NO CRAWL BACK INTO YOUR GOBLIN CAVE AND ROT

its hip to fuck bees: HES A STUPID DOO DOO HEAD

salty sol: YOURE AN IDIOT

its hip to fuck bees: YOURE AN EXTRATERRESTRIAL BEING WITH 7 LEGS 

salty sol: STUPID FUCKER

its hip to fuck bees: CRYPTID WANKER

salty sol: DISGUSTING GREMLIN

_its hip to fuck bees changed salty sol to mothman_

_mothman changed its hip to fuck bees to bigfoot_

Mao: im so confused whats happening are they flirting

bigfoot: YOU PLAIN WHITE CRAYON

Mika's no.1 fan: im pretty sure they are they do this a lot

mothman: _IM NOT PLAIN YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU COMPLETE SISCON_

titsu: better to stay out of their way n let them run out of steam

Mao: ,,, sure,

bigfoot: HOW DARE

bigfoot: YOU STALKER

mothman: **E X C U S E  M E B I T C H**

 

_(cut for length)_

* * *

 

roly poly: u guys continued to insult each other

roly poly: for another _whole hour_

roly poly: both of you give up $5 each to the sexual tension jar

sakasuck my dick: since when did that Exist?

roly poly: since their last fight

roly poly: im planning to use the funds to help anzu hire more people to help with construction of live stages in the future

sakasuck my dick: Coolio

mothman: i refuse

roly poly: i _will_ douse mako chin in water again

mothman: fucking hell

bigfoot: pay for me senaaa ♡

mothman: go suck a dick and die ousama

bigfoot: ;)

roly poly: TEN BUCKS TO THE JAR

* * *

 

mothman: so anyway guys guess what

mew: nONONO NO NON ONO  N O SENPAI I TRUS TE D U

Yuzuru: a mistake, evidently

Mika's no.1 fan: oooooh more drama

sakasuck my dick: whats this all About

sakasuck my dick: give me the good Drama

mew: NO

mothman: well

mew: NO

mothman: i finally have dirt on the little 1b outing

mew: s enp ai p _l  ea s e_

Yuzuru : oh how cute

sakasuck my dick: Interesting

Mika's no.1 fan: !!!!!! omg thanks for volunteering info ive been dying to ask hsjhjshs

Mika's no.1 fan: so what happened lmao i know _something_ went down but im not sure what

naruto kin: nothing much happened de gozaru?

mew: y e s noth in g happened @yall shU t

mothman: dont tell me what to do bitch

naruto kin: it’s possible i missed something though ! i was with yuuta kun the whole time de gozaru

mothman: h a h

mew: sh i nob u  n O

Mika's no.1 fan: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CUTE

naruto kin: ?

hinaslut: /squints/ _what happened_

mew: nothing

naruto kin: uh

hinaslut: somethings up i demand to know

mew: its too much for your weak little heart !!!!

hinaslut: im the toughest bitch on the block excuse you

mew: lol says the loser that cried over snakes last week

sakasuck my dick: boy Why

Mika's no.1 fan: why would you cry over izumi chan?

hinaslut: they dONT HAVE ANY ARMS

mothman: _listen here u fucking twink_

Mika's no.1 fan: (◕‿◕✿)

mew: u kno what ive been seriously questioning our unit name lately

sakasuck my dick: yes ive been wondering that as Well

sakasuck my dick: did you guys not realise the implication or Something

hinaslut: is it a lie

mew: , no,

sakasuck my dick: not Really

hinaslut: then it makes perfect sense !!!

sakasuck my dick: outing yourselves thru your own unit Name,, Brilliant

mothman: dubious

hinaslut: what can i say

hinaslut: we think of the children

hinaslut: we wanna be idols, to all the children who cant come out, maybe give them someone to look up to

hinaslut: be the person u needed when u were younger, and all that !!

Mika's no.1 fan: that’s,, surprisingly thoughtful of you boys wow big sis is Proud™

sakasuck my dick: i fully support good Boys

mothman: sounds suspiciously nice and all but whats the underlying dumbass reason

mew: mhmmm well

hinaslut: yuuta stop right there

mew: theres that but a second later he goes “ its also funny because people will be calling us twinks for like 3 years because theyre absolutely right but they _wont know_ and also its a brilliant pun i thought of it myself are u proud”

Mika's no.1 fan: ah

hinaslut: dammit why cant u let me be admirable for 5 seconds

mew: if u actually were u wouldnt need me to “let” u be admirable in the first place u buffoon

hinaslut: hrkjshjdfh rUDE

hinaslut: also u cant change the subject !!!! im a master at it so u cant get past ME

hinaslut: so spill whats the news

mothman: ya boy got game

hinaslut: hwat

mew: S   ENP A I

Mika's no.1 fan: ooOOOOOOOOOH

naruto kin: ah !! he did de gozaru !!!

Yuzuru: Aww how sweet

hinaslut: W  H AT

roly poly: i hear tea whats this

roly poly: AH

roly poly: bout fuckign time

mew: im dying goodbye

naruto kin: yuuta kun?????? Dont die de gozaru !!!!!!!!

naruto kin: when we just started dating too :(

mew: im suddenly alive

naruto kin: yay !! ^^

hinaslut: _WH_ **_A T_**

hinaslut: yUUTA I FEEL BETRAYUE D

hinaslut: WHYD DINDT U TE L L M E DONTM WE TELL EA HC OTHE R EVRRYTHIGN

mew: since when exactly, have we done that

hinaslut: SINC E FOREVVER

mew: lies

mew: u keep so many things from me

hinaslut: oh yeah name like one thing

mew: 1. u got together with sora _and_ tetora and i had to hear about it from chiaki senpai of all people

hinaslut: o h, u m

roly poly: HJSDJSHDJSHD

an actual Dad: SAY MY NAME AND I SHALL APPEAR !!

an actual Dad: WITH A BURNING HEART!!!!!!!! IT IS I,  MORISAWA CHIAKI~☆

an actual Dad: AH YES RYUSEI BLACK TOLD RYUUSEITAI THE HAPPY NEWS AND I TOLD YUUTA BECAUSE HE ASKED

an actual Dad: SHOULD I NOT HAVE

naruto kin: he mentioned that it wasnt a secret though ! so it should be fine de gozaru !!

an actual Dad: OH OK THANK GOD !!

Yuzuru: a considerate father

an actual Dad: THANK YOU !!!

roly poly: he totally is

mew: you say that like youre not one too

mew: 2. Yall fucked in the studio

hinaslut: w el l

an actual Dad: NASTY

Mika's no.1 fan: omg how’d u find out

mew: dumbasses dont know air fresheners exist, how to open windows, the proper methods of condom disposal, how to turn up to class late and not look like theyd just had a 3 day orgy, i could go on,

roly poly: thats unsanitary

mew: it is, and im disgusted

mew: i deep cleaned twice but its still not clean enough in my opinion

Mika's no.1 fan: me @ knights

mothman: hey now

mothman: not my fault u cant get any

Mika's no.1 fan: ex _cuse me_

mew: anyway

mew: 3. yOU THREW AWAY MY GSNK POSTER YOU STALE PIECE OF CHEESE

hinaslut: ITS AN UGLY POSTER

hinaslut: ALSO IT WAS ACCIDENTAL

mothman: amazing just go ahead and pull out all the receipts

Yuzuru: GSNK?

Mama: gekkan shoujo nozaki kun

Mama: a quality anime

Mama: one of the few straight anime i like

mew: ya !!!!! AND HE THREW THE POSTER AWAY

Mama: rUDE

mew: IT IS

mew: MIKOSHIBAS BEAUTIFUL _BEAUTIFUL_ FACE WAS CRINKLED

roly poly: but if he threw it away howd u find out?????

mew: again, hes a dumbass who doesnt know how to dispose of trash properly

mew: thank gOD for that just this once otherwise i wouldve actually believed his LIE that dad came in n ripped it off the wall

mothman: yikes

mew: anyway i have more examples but ! im tired !

mew: so ♡

mew: onii chan ♡

mew: ♡ whats ♡ your ♡ excuse ♡ this ♡ time ♡

mew: ( ❛ᴗ❛ )

Yuzuru: thats the most threatening thing ive ever seen

roly poly: its not directed at me but im quaking in my boots

hinaslut:

hinaslut: i can explain

mew: [sure](https://media.giphy.com/media/l0HlvtIPzPdt2usKs/giphy.gif)

hinaslut: i can !!!

hinaslut: i

hinaslut: uh

_hinaslut left the chat_

mew: bitch had it coming for too long

naruto kin: aaa  i love you even more de gozaru !!!!!!!!!!

mew: aaaAAAAAAAAAHLOVE U TOO BABE

Mika's no.1 fan: STOP IT you guys r so cute im yELLING

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so tired my dumbass wrote this in one sitting instead of studying  
> also i realize i keep leaving certain people out, its time to add people (back),,, another tim e mayb,e , ,  
> lmao leave a comment if reading this tickled various bones and/or relevant body parts thnak


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i, have none excuses for Absence© other than executive dysfunction had me By The Balls this whole year
> 
> this chap might be a tad confusing since im trying something new !! pls bear with me i tried to make it as clear as possible + forgive inconsistencies & any mistakes please thank u
> 
> impt edit: so ive changed nazuna's nickname from poly loli to roly poly because i realize now that thats not a good term to use due to its origin and the connotations involving the perverse sexualization of young/underage girls and so i wont be using it further. thank you for understanding, and thank you for the support!  
>  
> 
> major key:  
> mothman: izumi  
> melty luna: anzu  
> mew: yuuta  
> sakasuck my dick: natsume  
> bigfoot: leo  
> Mika's no.1 fan: naru  
> uwu: hokke  
> mama: madara  
> roly poly: nazunyan  
> naruto kin: shinobu  
> titsu: ritsu  
> hinaslut: hinata  
> an actual Dad: chiaki  
> everyone else: themselves

melty luna: all of you

melty luna: disappoint me

naruto kin: oh no de gozaru

melty luna: not you son

naruto kin: :>

sakasuck my dick: we regularyl do disappoint u tho So ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

melty luna: _silence when i speak_

sakasuck my dick:

melty luna: good.

melty luna: anyway,

melty luna: my absence stretched one chapter,

melty luna: yet the number of revelations that came to light was disproportionately high

melty luna: and i _wasnt here to partake in it_

melty luna: i am Disappointed

melty luna: and above all, _betrayed_

melty luna: now i dont match with anyone :(((

naruto kin: you can match with me senpai !!!

melty luna: …

 

_melty luna changed their name to usagi kin_

 

titsu: aww u kin the widdle wabbit unit uwu?

roly poly: i will strike you down where you stand with No mercy

usagi kin: i actually meant like sailor moon,

titsu: umu

roly poly: **_perish_ **

bigfoot: hi excuse me if youre done i have an announcement to make

usagi kin: go ahead

bigfoot: so out of the goodness of my heart, ive decided to embark on a new project

titsu: oh no de gozaru pt ii

bigfoot: charity work, if you will

bigfoot: im hoping to make a change to the beneficiaries because they deserve to lead happy lives

Mama: Leo-san how kind of you !!!

Mama: mama wants to join !! :D

bigfoot: i deeply appreciate your offer madara and accept it wholeheartedly

bigfoot: in fact, i was hoping you would

bigfoot: your assistance is integral to the success of this project

Mama: owo?

Mama: just say the word leo-san and mama will do it asap!!

roly poly: hey no fair i wanna help in this suspicious plot too

 

_mew added hinaslut to betray all ur friends. just do it_

 

hinaslut: i stole yuta’s phone to do that lmao yes anyway

hinaslut: we’ll help !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mew: asshole

mew: also this is charity work u never do anything for free u capitalist fuck

hinaslut: does this genuinely sound like charity work to u

bigfoot: it is 1739248.37% work im doing for an actual charity case the results will be gratifying

hinaslut: see

mew:

mew: fine

bigfoot: fantastic ! let us commence with our plans ; we meet at dawn , in front of the cavernous path to hell !

bigfoot: and by that i mean 10 minutes before first bell at the 1st floor staircase landing

roly poly: the one next to the staffroom?

bigfoot: ya

roly poly: ah

Yuzuru: An unfortunate disclaimer:

Yuzuru: I've been… requested to add Keito back

Yuzuru: I deeply apologize

bigfoot: HEY WAIT NO

 

_Yuzuru added keito to betray all ur friends. just do it_

 

Keito: Nobody’s making ANY suspicious plots in my school

Eichi: Isn’t this _my_ school?

Keito: It would be if you a. actually do anything and b. regularly contribute more than a one-liner here and there to this group chat

Eichi: That’s not entirely my fault !!! The author has bad memory :(

Keito: Don’t blame everything on something that doesn’t exist

roly poly: lol is the author a cryptid now too

bigfoot: author doesnt exist on any plane of existence

Keito: _Stop_ talking about things that don't exist and go back to the subject at hand

Keito: This is a serious matter and I won’t stand for you lot sullying this school further with your heinous actions

 

_bigfoot removed keito from the chat_

 

roly poly: u ever just exist in this chat group to flex on the people who arent 

bigfoot: all the time mmm

Eichi: Weird flex but ok

bigfoot: anyway

bigfoot: yall know the deets, be there or be square ;D

usagi kin: necessary question, even though i feel like it’s obvious: do you still have both the fire department and poison control on speed dial

bigfoot: ya

usagi kin: oh gr8

bigfoot: dont have my phone anymore tho

usagi kin: wh

usagi kin: why not

bigfoot: geese

usagi kin: ???

bigfoot: the geese wanted it and they had me surrounded i had to give it to em

usagi kin: , just this one time its reasonable i guess

roly poly: geese are terrifying

bigfoot: i still have nightmares of their satan worshipping eyes staring straight into my soul

Yuzuru: One ate Bocchama’s socks before and I let it

mew: not that i dont love the mental image of hime screaming in pure terror as his socks are eaten right in front of him, because i absolutely do, but w h y

Yuzuru: He wanted to take his socks off while we were having a picnic

Yuzuru: I told him no, because that’s gross, he said “don't tell me what to do” and then did it anyway

Yuzuru: Not sure where the geese came from but they spawned in front of us, Bocchama hid behind the tree and I fed them bits of our lunch

Yuzuru: I may or may not have actively chosen not to stop them when they swallowed his socks whole as he was yelling about betrayal

bigfoot: oh my gffu kcign god

mew: geese dont reproduce they spawn like minecraft creepers

Yuzuru: Life imitates art

roly poly: i hate the image this puts in my mind bc it implies they sneak around and explode behind u

usagi kin: all the more reason to fear the geese

Mama: yikes

Mama: anyway _@usagi kin_ i have their numbers dont worry!!

usagi kin: oh thank god

usagi kin: k im gonna go back to work ping me if yall need anything

bigfoot: WAIT WAIT ANZZZuU

usagi kin: HOWD U FUCK UP SO FAST

bigfoot: nO i didnt do anything i just remembered i need u

usagi kin: dont u have sena senpai for that

bigfoot: i do <3

bigfoot: but i meant tmr

bigfoot: for charity

usagi kin:,, uh huh

usagi kin: and what do u need me for, exactly?

bigfoot: youre the only one ik who can play careless whisper on the melodica

Mama: how does this help a charity????????

bigfoot: shhhh

roly poly: she can _wh at_

mew: senpai,,, your meme level transcends our own

hinaslut: the only valid memelord

usagi kin: Thank You

_hinaslut changed usagi kin to meme lord, lord of the memes_

mew: elon musk quivers before her

Eichi: Anzu my respect for you has grown tenfold

meme lord, lord of the memes: if only that went both ways :)

Eichi: :(

meme lord, lord of the memes: anyway yeah i can i learned it for the Memes in middle school

hinaslut: the true gen z experience

meme lord, lord of the memes: i learned it on like 5 different instruments

Uwu: i thought you sucked absolute ass at music

meme lord, lord of the memes: make no mistake im as tone deaf as ever and still have no music sense

meme lord, lord of the memes: what i do have, however, is a meme sense

meme lord, lord of the memes: so if i get a note wrong i’ll Know

Yuzuru: So you know Nothing about these instruments

meme lord, lord of the memes: dont bully me like this

meme lord, lord of the memes: but yes basically

meme lord, lord of the memes: i can play it on melodica, harmonica, recorder, the kazoo,

meme lord, lord of the memes: actually just give me a meme and ill probably know how to play them on these instruments exclusively

sakasuck my dick: renai Circulation

hinaslut: GOOD SONG

meme lord, lord of the memes: thats not really a meme,

bigfoot: u fuckin anime loser

sakasuck my dick: Rude

sakasuck my dick: i prefer anime Otaku

sakasuck my dick: also you have to admit it’s a good Song

hinaslut: SO GOOD

mew: it is,,, hanazawa kana,,,, ily with my whole Heart

meme lord, lord of the memes: mood

Eichi: same

bigfoot: a goddess

Mama: the true idol

hinaslut: also please consider: bad apple

mew: on the kazoo

Eichi: a valid suggestion

meme lord, lord of the memes: hmm sure

sakasuck my dick: and you call me the anime Loser?

meme lord, lord of the memes: valid losers

meme lord, lord of the memes: one moment

meme lord, lord of the memes: in the meantime enjoy [this man](https://youtu.be/ir5FTSlhOSA) who has inspired me to pursue my dream of becoming a professional meme connoisseur if producing for your loser asses doesnt work out

hinaslut: oh WOW

Eichi: I didn't know those chickens have such a wide vocal range

sakasuck my dick: wider than Yours

Eichi: Stop roasting me !!! :(

sakasuck my dick: Never

bigfoot: OM G ITS HIM I LOVE HIM HES SUCH AN INSPIRA TT ION

bigfoot: he can RAW me anytim e

mew: tmi senpai

Eichi: Gross i didn't want to know that

roly poly: l e o chin keep it, pg13 please there are children here

roly poly: _@bigfoot_ come get your mans

bigfoot: idk who that is

bigfoot: **ore wa samatoki sama da kisama wa dareda**

mothman:

mothman: okay,

 

_meme lord, lord of the memes is recording audio_

 

naruto kin: hmm what is “raw” de gozaru?

naruto kin: also ive seen his videos before!! I want one of those chickens

mew: its, not something u need to know darling

naruto kin: oh :< okay i trust you

mew: :>

hinaslut: hey

hinaslut: dont be gay

mew: have u _seen_ this gc im not the only one guilty of Gay Crimes

bigfoot: im prime suspect number 1

roly poly: agreed

roly poly: anyway as much as im an advocate for the general fuckery we do,

roly poly: anzu, arent u supposed to be in class,

Mama: is she really recording it?? Now???

mew: thats dedication

Yuzuru: That’s delinquency

Mama: where would she get the kazoo tho??

hinaslut: we have one in the music room that just like,, appeared one day

Eichi: I wouldn't have suspected anzu to be someone who skips class to do things like this

sakasuck my dick: she isnt lol she’s a good kid we have free period rn she sent that and Left

Uwu: i offered to escort her she said no

sakasuck my dick: tell the whole story hokke Kun

sakasuck my dick: she made a really smug face and said “memelords only” and he immediately sat back down, Shockedt

sakasuck my dick: it looked like she told him she’s producing exclusively for fine now im Cackling

Uwu: don’t expose me this way sakasaki

sakasuck my dick: i also have photographic Evidence

 

_sakasuck my dick sent an image_

 

Uwu: how in the fuck

meme lord, lord of the memes: wait a hot minute the file’s sending

meme lord, lord of the memes: i skipped the beginning bc its too long but i feel like im pretty on point

meme lord, lord of the memes: _@sakasuck my dick_ oof im saving that and adding it to my hokke/subs collection

Uwu: i wasnt even looking at him????

meme lord, lord of the memes: he’s a blur in the bg its close enough

 

_meme lord, lord of the memes sent a video (3:29)_

 

bigfoot: ANNZU HO L Y HECCK

hinaslut: SENPA I I LOVE YOU

mew: wow

mew: WOW

roly poly: this is the hottest meme ive heard all month since “this post has been flagged explicit”

hinaslut: I CROWN THIS MEME OF THE MONTH

Uwu: yikes wheres my wig

meme lord, lord of the memes: thank you thank you ill link you to my kofi to fund my dia spending and merchandise purchasing

sakasuck my dick: this is better than Expected

bigfoot: im making tihs my ringtone for u

bigfoot: this is exactly why i need u tmr

meme lord, lord of the memes: but i have producer things to do

bigfoot: ill actually send u money over kofi

roly poly: can confirm , he does pay his artists

uwu: as he should

meme lord, lord of the memes: sold ill be there

hinaslut: umm wow capitalism much? :/

meme lord, lord of the memes: tell that to this dumb fucking game with its stupidass fuckin updates and fuckign event + gacha

Uwu: um

mew: press f to pay respects

hinaslut: f

roly poly: f

Eichi: f

Uwu: f

Shu: f

mothman: f

meme lord, lord of the memes: **_youre the fucking gacha card how D a r e_ **

mothman: :)

roly poly: ill strangle him like how i strangled kaoru during starfes if you want

meme lord, lord of the memes: sure, if i dont do it myself

sakasuck my dick:,,, wow aggressive

bigfoot: eat the rich babe !!!!!

Eichi: That's vore

bigfoot: sssS TF U

meme lord, lord of the memes: ew im suddenly vegan

meme lord, lord of the memes: anyway yes im small broke and willing to sell my talents(?) for a sum of money

meme lord, lord of the memes: (fund me so i can roll for butterfly izu,,,, blease,,,,)

* * *

 

bigfoot: the time has come, bros, hoes, and non binary fellows, to commence operation GAL

Mika's no.1 fan: ?

bigfoot: :)

* * *

 

Mika's no.1 fan: ousama im going to shred your sweater

Mika's no.1 fan: _dont run away from me ousama im going to paint the school red with your blood_

Mao: um, narukami please dont do that

Mika's no.1 fan: i absolutely will

mew: senpai what have you done that even naru senpai’s threatening extreme violence

roly poly: there were steps necessary to take

Eichi: What’s operation GAL?

bigfoot: get arashi laid

Mama: pushing them into the supply closet and getting anzu to play hips dont lie didnt work

Mama: naru just, kicked the door down like it was nothing and gave chase

Eichi: Them?

bigfoot: naru + mika ofc who else

usagi kin: i like to think that my bgm change was appropriate given the situation but _some_ people think otherwise

roly poly: a chase scene is Not the time for careless whisper anzu

usagi kin: careless whisper is a timeless classic nazunii

bigfoot: if yourr curious the operation is not abandoned! merely put on hold

Mika's no.1 fan: i will eat your compositions in front of your face ousama i swear to god

Mao: narukami please calm down violence isnt the answer

Mika's no.1 fan: isara if you actually tell me to calm down again you will lose your balls and find them in the school garden

Mao: ,,, sorry?

titsu: dont threaten maa kun.

Mika’s no.1 fan: one more word and _your_ balls will be on a stick in the garden too

titsu: ,

sakasuck my dick: so _that’s_ the charity Case?? Wild

mothman: how’s a small brat outrunning the ““““star”””” of the track team ie the Club President ie the Best Runner ie someone who should be able to catch ousama

Mika’s no.1 fan: you shut your ugly mug or ill fill your pretentious designer shoes with spaghetti

mothman: you wouldnt _dare_

Mika’s no.1 fan: try me, bitch

bigfoot: maybe im Just That Good

Mika's no.1 fan: oh my g o d ou sam a im actually going to choke you

bigfoot: not even a first date naru? smh :/

Mika's no.1 fan: i will drink all of your pen ink and chew on your erasers

Mika's no.1 fan: anzu im never forgiving you for participating

meme lord, lord of the memes: i agree with leo it had to be done

meme lord, lord of the memes: YIKES

Eichi: why what’s happening

sakasuck my dick: anzu i need updates Stat

Mao: yeah are you okay???????

meme lord, lord of the memes: yesyes im fine but updates will be slow given im still playing careless whisper with one hand on the melodica, but ill do my best

titsu: dw im here too i was attracted by the sound of Memes and p decent talent

meme lord, lord of the memes: thank u

titsu: hii maa kuun ~~~~ <3

Mao: ,,,, ok

meme lord, lord of the memes: so yikes bc nazu nii tackled mika to the ground

Shu: WHAT

Mao: oh my g od

usagi kin: _naru vaulted over them to chase leo im,,,,_

Shu: **_W H A T_ **

titsu: he yelled “for narnia” before launching himself at mikarin if thats the context u need

mao: its not, ritsu,

titsu: alright i realise i dont actually have the energy to live tweet this rn so im starting an instagram live just for yalls so watch it there

meme lord, lord of the memes: the wonders of modern technology

* * *

 

_prettyriri started a live video_

 

_sena.izumi, probablytenshouin, sakasaki420natsume and 19 others have joined_

 

probablytenshouin: What happened to “a live just for us”

prettyriri: forgot how to make one of those

prettyriri: but i do rmb how to block certain Fuckers from it so keito + anija wont bother us

prettyriri: oh well looks like the whole idol course is gonna have to see what we get up to

ii.kao.da: like we don't have to just look out our homeroom windows?

prettyriri: be thankful its my private acc and not like,, my public account where the fans will witness All This Bullshit

prettyriri: anyway so

sena.izumi: youre in the video cant you just talk

ii.kao.da: oh hey izumi

sena.izumi: hello hetero

ii.kao.da: what's going on please enlighten me

sena.izumi: what you see rn is exactly what the rest of us know, ie nothing

prettyriri: but secchan, if i talk, how will the readers know whats happening?

sena.izumi: what readers

silence_holds_understanding: moving on

sena.izumi: fff ucck off

silence_holds_understanding: why are nito and kagehira still on the floor

xXbadasswolfXx: is that _my_ fucking melodica she’s using

prettyriri: indeed it likely is

shinononlovestea: um

shinononlovestea: why _is_ nii chan on the floor?

yuyuyu.ta: o   h n o hajiME LEAVE PLEASE

shinononlovestea: UM IM SORRY

prettyriri: hey ha~chan ~

probablytenshouin: no dont go its fine

hihihina.ta: ya stay !!! itll be fun

shinononlovestea: um, if youre sure?

yuyuyu.ta: doesnt nazuna senpai not want his kids to know about his meme tendencies

tomo.yaknowbcidont: meme tendencies,,,

mitsu_runrun_daze: big word????? sounds Cool !!!!!!

yuyuyu.ta: ,

sena.izumi: its damn well time they find out bc frankly i dont care?

sena.izumi: who cares about any of you for that matter when ousama’s being chased by naru with a spray bottle

prettyriri: nazuna says he feels a sense of deja vu

official.hidahoku: i think everyone does, really

tomo.yaknowbcidont: HOkuto senpAI HI <3

official.hidahoku: hello tomoya :)

tomo.yaknowbcidont: :D !!!!

yuyuyu.ta: thats gay

silence_holds_understanding: thats irrelevant

silence_holds_understanding: sena theyre in a pile on the floor that _im not a part of_ i wish to know what is happening

prettyriri: uhhh idk they did some whispering and just , lay there, watching anzu do her thing

ii.kao.da: to be fair anzu is really good at her thing

ii.kao.da: she just gets more attractive by the day <3

xXbadasswolfXx: eugh if youre gonna be Straight™ then gtfo

prettyriri: isnt she ?? we stan a goddess with memeatic talents

official.hidahoku: youre being weirdly nice

sakasaki420natsume: for once i Agree

xXbadasswolfXx: its sus as fuck

prettyriri: mmmm she let me licky her blood a lil bit

isaramao2209: ritsu im going to smack you i told you no more feeding from the poor girl

prettyriri: it was safe sane and consensual tho

isaramao2209: regardless

prettyriri: ;p

ii.kao.da: ?? what did Narukami yell I couldn't catch it

anzutheproduce: ""im going to draw a penis on your forehead in sharpie""

ii.kao.da: terrifying

yuyuyu.ta: was that a scream i heard in the background

sena.izumi: ousama?????????? is he okay ?????

yuyuyu.ta: u can recognize his yells ????

hihihina.ta: that was a wholeass pokemon screech it didnt even sound human

ii.kao.da: ? i took my eyes off the screen for a single moment and hes gone

mikejimamadayo: leo nyooms fast when he wants to

sena.izumi: he does its soo annoying

prettyriri: anzu i think a bgm change is in order

anzutheproduce: roger

ii.kao.da: oh my,, talented girl,, im in tears

hihihina.ta: oh wOW i didnt know this song could be played on the melodica?????

isaramao2209: ? whats the song i dont recognize it

xXbadasswolfXx: sounds bangin af tho

yuyuyu.ta: hey day capriccio by afterglow

hihihina.ta: its from bang dream and its possibly the best halloween song ever? Nothing can top that

yuyuyu.ta: lmao but pasupare came out with absolute declaration ~recital~ this year and actually _did_ top that?

hihihina.ta: brother or not tonight u die by my hand u fiend

yuyuyu.ta: do it i fucking dare you

sena.izumi: oi

sena.izumi: this isnt llsif so dont know dont care

sena.izumi: anyway status update on ousama im waiting

prettyriri: wait longer

prettyriri: jk everything is daijyoubu but like

yuyuyu.ta: (note: daijyoubu means fine)

prettyriri: yknow

sakasaki420natsume: we Don't

isaramao2209: hush

prettyriri: he has an aversion to water

sena.izumi: ah

sena.izumi: the fucking fool

yuyuyu.ya: what,, does that mean

sakasaki420natsume: like, a Cat?

prettyriri: no its more like a robot

prettyriri: spray him w water and he malfunctions

prettyriri: the only truly effective way to keep him in check

silence_holds_understanding: please tell kagehira and nito to get off the floor

silence_holds_understanding: its unsanitary

probablytenshouin: How dare you imply my school is anything but the cleanest

silence_holds_understanding: i will imply Everything when it comes to those two

silence_holds_understanding: tell them to get off the floor please

prettyriri: nnnnsure

mikejimamadayo: HSGSLSKSLD

sakasaki420natsume: SHU NII SAN IM, SO sORRY

mitsu_runrun_daze: WHY DID NII SAN POINT HIS MIDDLE FINGER

tomo.yaknowbcidont: HAJIME LOOK A W A Y

kirakirasubaru: DK WHATS HAPPENING BUT SHINONON DONT LOOK

shinononlovestea: NII SAN W HY

silence_holds_understanding: WHERE DID NITO LEARN THAT

yuyuyu.ta: im p sure everyone knows what a middle finger is senpai

silence_holds_understanding: NITO SHOULDNT

silence_holds_understanding: wait where are they going

mikejimamadayo: dw its all according to keikaku

yuyuyu.ta: (note: keikaku means plan)

silence_holds_understanding: rei’s brother go follow them

prettyriri: dont call me that. try again

xXbadasswolfXx: oof

silence_holds_understanding: ,,,

silence_holds_understanding: ritsu, please, follow them

prettyriri: better

_______

 

_betray all ur friends. just do it_

 

Mama: that was, one heck of a ride

Mika's no.1 fan: im mad at all of you dont talk to me

bigfoot: lol rittsu please tell me u saved the live

titsu: indeed i did ousama its in my highlights

Mika's no.1 fan: _TAKE IT DOWN,_

titsu: haha u say that like ill actually do it

Mika's no.1 fan:

Mika's no.1 fan: ousama what gave you this bright idea anyway

Mika's no.1 fan: i dont need help with mika, i dont _want_ help with mika, im fine with how we are now

bigfoot: no ure not !!!!! dont lie to me !!!!!!!!!

bigfoot: u do that wistful looking thing too often for u to be fine w it

roly poly: everyones seen it at some point

Mama: i agree !!!

meme lord, lord of the memes: ditto

meme lord, lord of the memes: im,, sorry it didnt turn out well tho

roly poly: yeah we um, kinda embarrassed you a lot didnt we

bigfoot: we're real sorry !!!! naru !!!!!! we lovv u n just wanted the best for u !!!!!!!!!!

Mika's no.1 fan: ,,,

Mika's no.1 fan: well i _did_ get to see wet uniform mika so it wasnt a _complete_ loss i guess

uwu: ?? im sorry _when_ did this happen and why did kagehira get wet

titsu: ;)

uwu: you know what i mean

roly poly: oh ya u left the live halfway right

bigfoot: we made too much noise so kuro came n tossed us all in the pond

Mika's no.1 fan: thank nyx for waterproof makeup

Mama: he carried like, 5? people at once i was in Awe

Mama: up until he pushed me in too, but my point still stands that man is swole as hell

hinaslut: huge daddy material

mew: my heart skipped multiple beats

roly poly: i got wet and it wasnt just the pond water

roly poly: wAIT I TAKE THAT BACK

mew: this post has been flagged EXPLICIT TAKE IT AWA Y

hinaslut: a moment of silence for those killed in the Tumblr Purge of 2018

Shu: is there something you want to tell me nito

roly poly: no fuck you

Shu:

Mika's no.1 fan: is this, possibly, one of the causes of “roly poly”,

roly poly: NO ITS NOT DROP IT

bigfoot: :3

Mika's no.1 fan: :3

Mama: :3

roly poly: NO

titsu: :3

mew: :3

roly poly: _NO_

hinaslut: :3

bigfoot: next operation !!!

roly poly: **_ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!!! pls, comment if anything was unclear, or u got suggestions, memes, anon hate, anon love, etc etc ill take what i get and make a lemon out of it uwu :3
> 
> ((also psst , hey , no pressure, but yall can dm me on twitter @/kuryuri for my kofi link if, u kno, u want to fund me like u would fund anzu))
> 
> (((((dm me for whatever honestly im a lonely person yelling into the twt void, company would be appreciated))))))

**Author's Note:**

> im not a very creative person (ha) only a meagre stash of outdated memes and pop culture knowledge floats me by so anything more (if there is) might take a while


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